Ryan’s Tale
Ryan’s Tale
by Stephen Warren
dedicated to my friends, thanks for backing me up

It was Ryan Cole's free lifestyle that led him to wake up in a naked stranger's bed. Although he woke up none the worse for wear, minus a splitting head-ache, he could remember a majority of last night. He looked over at the naked body laying next to him, her grinning face still filled with the glow from the previous night.

He tried to remember, all that registered was a party, drinking, and her that last name was something like Vanderbilt. He remembered the party was for the newspaper, Richard Johnson, Jack Burroughs, and him were partying and he met her at the bar. He bought her a drink, and they talked for almost an hour, before he noticed the guys had left. He remembered ordering more drinks and that was it.

He sat up and looked at the woman. Just looking at her, he regretted not being able to remember last night. Her thin body barely making an impression in the sheets wrapped around her. Not that she was trying to cover herself up, not at all. As Ryan looked at her, his jaw dropped as she threw off the few remaining covers. Ryan quickly thanked God, than jumped on top of her. It would be another four hours before he would step foot out of bed again.


Ryan Cole entered the shylock's building at about one. After dropping Ms. Vanderbilt (or whatever her name was) off at her house, and then getting something to eat. He knocked on the door to his office and then walked in. Richard McBride was a fat man, who sat behind a desk all day smoking Cuban cigars. Richard was not a man for small talk, he brought up business quickly.

“I know what you want, you motherfucker, you want a loan. The vig’s thirty.”

“Thirty? There was no way I heard that right, thirty?”

“I can tell by your obviously sarcastic remark that is to high for you how about twenty-five”

"Twenty-five!" Ryan screamed at the top of his lungs. "I ain't paying that much." Richard eyes opened and he looked at Ryan as if he had just slapped him.

"Fine. Twenty-two, but you have to pay me back within one week! If you got a problem with that, you can shoot it out your ass! We run a business here, this ain’t some friend frontin’ you some chump change"

"You got a point. I can live with Twenty-two. Thank you," Ryan said, calming down.

“You goddamn right, you better be thanking me,” The man grumbled in response.

And without warning, a tall skinny man burst into the office. He fell to his knees in front of Richard, and grasped his hands as if praying. "Please Richard, I was on my way to pay, honest I was," the man screamed out. Richard looked at him and leaned over. This only put a big smile on Richard’s face, and the man calmed down. With one hand he reached out and comforted the man, and with the other he hit a small button on his desk.

"Now, Matthew, you know I'd never hurt you," he said. The door opened and a huge behemoth man walked through the door. "I wouldn't. But him? That’s what he’s paid to do." Richard said and pointed towards the large man. Matt was on his feet before Ryan realized what was happening. Matthew ran at the man, screaming at the top of his lungs. The large man slapped Matthew with the back of his hand, and Matthew flew back like a rag doll.

Matt reached into a pocket and pulled out a knife. Again he came charging at the muscular man. Matt started swinging the knife wildly, and Ryan noticed blood start to dribble out of the larger man's outstretched palms as he tried to block the blade. The man took a moment to look at the crimson streams on his palms, and then returned to battle. The man just stood back and watched as Matt swung the blade around.

The large man's eyes turned into small slits as he focused on Matt's movements. The large man grabbed the hand that held the knife, and then punched Matt in the stomach with his other fist. Ryan saw as the wind was knocked out of Matt, and he watched him fall to the floor. Matt had dropped the knife but that didn't persuade him to give up. Matt got to his feet, and ran at the large man.

And it was with one smooth, quick motion the larger man hit Matt in the jaw, and Matt fell down. The large man picked Matt up, walked to the window, opened it, and threw Matt outside. Ryan heard a large crash as Matt's spine hit the top of a car. Followed by the loud smash of the windows braking. The man smiled, wiped his hands, and shut the window, as his face returned to a grimace.

Richard turned his gaze back at me. "That is what happens to piles of shit that I don't like. And I don't like people who don't pay me back. I also don't like fucking pigs, and neither does Hunter."

"Hunter?" Ryan asked. He pointed with his thumb at the large man, and he only nodded. Just looking at the towering muscular man, Ryan had decided to stick with his original plan and not piss Richard off.

"So, before we do business, I need to know who the fuck sent you? And you had better give me a name I know, goddamn it!" he demanded. Ryan thought to himself of all the names he could, but Ryan didn't no if he knew them. Richard had borrowed money to pay back his tab at a nearby pub, but that was to small time. John had got some money to finance his first film, but he wasn't exactly a big name on the street. Jack had got some money to support his junk habit. Jack, that's it!

"Give me a goddamn name, now!" He yelled at me, and Hunter looked up at me with a slight grin on his face. That scared him more than anything, he looked at him the same way a six year old looks at a new toy we can play with, and even break.

"Jack Burroughs, he has borrowed from you a few times." Richard sat back and thought of all the people he knew.

"You hang out that piece of shit junky? He's got needle marks all up and down his fucking arm." Richard laughed and motioned at the money. "Go, and spend it. But, if you don't pay me back within one week, I send Hunter after you. Matt was only eight days late, and look at him." Ryan picked up the money and left.


His horse came in first, and he collected his money. One million dollars in a man's briefcase can make him feel much better. He arrived at his house at about five P.M. He called up Jack and asked if he wanted to party. Jack said that sure, he could come. He called Richard, and Richard agreed to come too.

By the time Jack got over to Ryan's house it was about six o'clock.

"Ryan, you had better got a good reason for disturbing me, I had a busy night planned. Sit at home, and dream of Jenny all night, torturing myself."

"Nice to see you too. In the mood for a party? Let's go to O'Tooles', I'm buying." Jack nodded, and they got in the car.

"Look, Jack, you need to go out and try to find someone else," Ryan said as he started the car and backed out of the driveway.

"I can't. I love her."

"Love doesn't exist, it something Hallmark made up."

"Ryan, we have loved each other since we were in the fifth grade, she is the mother of my child, and every waking moment, I spend it thinking of her. Just because you don't want to settle down with one woman doesn't mean I don't," Jack said. Ryan sat there, not knowing what to say.

"Maybe, I was wrong, Jack. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just been about, what, six months since you heard from her. Maybe you should start looking around for other women." Jack just looked over, and laughed.

"You never know what the night may bring." And with that, they were off.

“On to Richard’s,” Ryan said in his knightly voice, “so that we might go on a pursuit for an adventure, what does thou say, Sir Jack?”

“Yes, Sir Ryan, off we venture, into the unknown. For thee and Richard to find theeselves wenches, and me to find sorry in a cup of ale.”

“Sir Jack, it is my noble quest to get thee laid tonight.”


The three friends had been at O’Tooles for about fifteen minutes before they spotted John Bragg III enter. They waved him over, and he sat down at their table. They ordered their food, and got on with eating.

“So, John, how is Jeremy?” Ryan asked. Richard started shaking his head frantically, and waving his hand.

“We’re going into Marriage Counseling. He keeps on blaming me for all our problems. He was the one who insisted on shag carpeting.”

“How about them Yankees?” Richard asked trying to steer the conversation in a new directon.

“You know the worst part is, we didn’t sign a prenuptial. If we get divorced, he get’s half of everything.” Ryan leaned over and pointed at two women standing next to each other.

“There is the answer to your prayers.” Ryan whispered.

“Jenny?” Jack answered shocked.

“No, you dumbass, those girls. Two of them, two of us. It’s pure math.” Ryan answered

“With you, it’s pure hormones. Feel free to go talk to them.” Jack responded, not nearly as excited as Ryan.

“Come with me compadre, you gotta.”

“Okay, if you’ll stop bugging me.”

“Deal. Now, let’s go.” Ryan turned to face John. “Sorry to hear about it, excuse us, we’ll be right back. Hope things work out between you and Jeremy.” And with that they were off.


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Stuart “the Captain” Smith had been a pimp for three years. As pimps went he was a beginner. He only had two prostitutes working for him. One of them was nicknamed ‘Grandma,’ she was sixty years old and her knees keep hitting her breasts. The other was called ‘Candy,” this was Stu’s only treasure.

He lived in a fourth flour walk up, he only had a couch and a TV, and his dreams of becoming a big-time pimp. He often wondered why Candy stayed with him. If he knew he probably would have gotten angry.

For all his dreams and hopes, Stu was nowhere near being a big-time pimp. He took only twenty-five percent of whatever Grandma and Candy got. He felt that he was cheating the girls by taking that much. He didn’t know that some pimps take ninety percent or even all of it.

And Stu never beat his girls. He thought that it was harming the merchandise. He never noticed the bruises on the other girls and he had never even heard of the ‘Pimp Slap.’ He just yelled and argued, but he never raised his hand in anger.

Candy had always wondered why more girls didn’t flock to Stu. She never told them, she thought if they did come with stories of their old pimps, then Stu might figure out what he was doing wrong. She had often taken pity on the poor bastard. He never forced himself on her, although he did hit on her once. And he made barely any money. He made more than enough to live on a couch watching T.V. all day, but he said he didn’t need more.

If Candy knew the entire story she would no longer think of Stu so positvely. He may have not known anything about the pimp business, he was a great gambler, and a pretty decent planner. He had a little under a million dollars in his bank, in a safe deposit box.

Stu had been waiting to break into the drug ring, his only problem was a small time dope dealer named Adam Providence. With Stu’s backing, Adam had been making large sums of money for quite a while, and only giving Stu a small percentage of it. Unlike his pimp skills, his drugs senses were quite sharp. He stopped funding Adam only it was too late. Adam had mad enough money to support himself and he started his own drug circuit.

And so, he waits for his big chance to break, his chance to get back in the drug business. But for now, he was content watching Bugs Bunny cartoons all day.


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