9.3.2001 - We return you to your regularly scheduled programming
As long as FFX isn't here yet, I thought we could return to a more "traditional" format.
That is to say, me whining endlessly!
(Just kidding.)
However, I did think it seemed wrong of me to not have something worth complaining about, so I've fixed that. And I figured, why not give the guestbook a break? So, here we are again.
To point: I am an imbecile. Not in the traditional sense, of course; my senses and mental faculties are, on average, as workable as everyone else's. However, when presented with a simple, straightforward situation, a "truth," as it were, I refuse to acknowledge the fact of the matter and blindly fail in the face of common knowledge. This does not really specify my exact situation, though; at one time, I decided I would keep no secrets from readers of this page. Well, I have decided that's nonsense. If I want to use nonspecific language, especially here, then that's my prerogative. Regardless of that, I think I owe a better explanation than that. Here it is:
I am not happy, but I am satisfied.
At least, I think that's the explanation. There are a couple of issues that prevent that statement from being entirely true, but it fairly accurately describes my situation most of the time. What it fails to reveal is the nagging discontent, the aggravation, the absolute frustration, and the inevitable complacency that take turns motivating my actions. It fails to describe the internal debates of morals and ethics that continually rage behind my ambivalent facade; it fails to explain why I dream of a fantasy reality has shown me cannot exist. For those familiar with programming, I am this while loop:
x = 1 while (x > 0) x = x + 1
That is to say, I am waiting for a condition. As long as I simply wait, that condition cannot come to pass, but the condition must be met before I can stop waiting, but as long as I simply wait, that condition cannot come to pass, but the condition must be met before I can stop waiting, but as long as I simply wait, that condition cannot come to pass, but the condition must be met before I can stop waiting, but as long as I simply wait, that condition cannot come to pass, but the condition must be met before I can stop waiting, but as long as I simply wait, that condition cannot come to pass, but the condition must be met before I can stop waiting, but as long as I simply wait, that condition cannot come to pass....