dog's

Pile

of

bollocks

A friend of mine once said to me "That's a pile of dog's bollocks!" whilst commenting on some maths homework.  Of course, she meant "That's bollocks" or "That's  a pile of shit", but anyway . . .
The point is, I became inspired by this unusual phrase, so I made up the following list of things one can actually do with canine testicles . . .

1.Instead of learning to juggle with bean balls, try juggling with dog's bollocks - it certainly adds that soft, bouncy texture.

2.Why spend money on buying your baby a teething ring when Dog's Bollocks do the trick just as well, only with that extra chewy sensation.

3.For all those times you are insanely stressed out, squeeze on some Dog's Bollocks for instant stress relief - it'll act as a stress ball *cheers Damien*.

4.Ever felt that tiresome feeling come over you?  And you feel as though your whole face is drooping and the bags under your eyes are so big it could just as well be your weekly Sainsbury's shopping?  Well, putting cucumbers over your eyes is total bollocks, but putting dog's bollocks over your eyes literally is bollocks, so why not use them and wake up the next morning fresh and alert?

5.Into clothes designing, eh?  Can never get nuff of sewing beads, bobbles and shit on new types of polyester that you'll wear the next day to that gay ganja party your hippy friend is likely to be throwing?  Never fear!  Dog's bollocks are here!  Simply sew a few scrumptious scrotums on your newly made dress and away you go!  You're sure to be the highlight of everyone's evening when those testes go flapping about in the UV light.

6.Lacking in the breast area