BASIC TRUTHS OF THE UNIVERSE




Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
    and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some don't have film.
   
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Back up my hard drive?  How do I put it in reverse?

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be
    misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
    popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.