Bad Puns




Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it  sank, proving once and for all that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.


 
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor.  The other stayed behind in the cotton
fields and never amounted to much.  The second one, naturally, became
known as the lesser of two weevils.



A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a
beer?"  The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."



Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.
One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"  "Yeah, I'm positive!" 



Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocaine
during root canal work?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.



A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After
about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse.  "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."



A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his
habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender
was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract.  Thinking
quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set
it on the bar.  The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip
of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"  "No,
I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."