Gas




Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for
baked beans.  He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing
and somewhat lively reaction on him.

Then one day he met a girl and fell in love.

Like many stories, the couple married and lived happily ever after.
She was such a sweet, gentle, prim and proper sort of girl that he
made the supreme sacrifice - he gave up beans.

Some months later his car broke down on the way home from work. He
called his wife and told her that he would be late since he would
have to walk home.

En route, he passed by a small cafe where the odor of freshly baked
beans was overwhelming.  He still had quite a distance to walk.  He
figured that any reaction could be worked off before he arrived home,
so he stopped in at the cafe.

By the time he left the cafe, he had consumed three large orders of
beans.  Since he putt-putted all the way home, he felt reasonably
safe after arriving that he putt-putted his last.

He kissed his wife who was glad to see him home safe.  She exclaimed
delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner
tonight!"

Then she blindfolded him and led him to a chair at the head of the
table, making sure he could not see a thing.

Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang.
She made him promise not to peek or touch the blindfold until she
returned.  Then she went down the hall to answer the phone.

This was the opportunity he was hoping for.  Taking advantage of it,
he shifted his weight to one leg and let go with a big one.  Not only
was it loud, but ripe as rotten eggs.  He took the napkin off his lap
and fanned the air around him.

Just as things were returning to normal, he felt another urge and let
go again.  This one was a true prize-winner.  Keeping his ear tuned
to the conversation down the hall, he continued the routine of
shifting his weight from one leg to the other producing a veritable
"fanfare of flatulence.

Finally, after about 10 minutes he heard his wife say good-bye on the
phone, and knew that his freedom had come to an end.

He placed the napkin on his lap, folded his hands on top of it, and
smiled contentedly to himself.  He was truly a picture of innocence
when his wife returned.

She apologized for taking so long on the phone and asked if he had
peeked during her absence.  He assured her that he had not.


At this point, she removed the blindfold to reveal her surprise.

There before him sat twelve guests around the table, gathered for a
Happy Birthday dinner.