CRIMINAL DARWIN AWARDS




A true story out of San Francisco:

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote
"this iz a stikkup.  Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.  After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.

She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to
fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.  The Wells Fargo teller
then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.







Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant.

The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.

Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that
day in court.  He handed it over so the judge could see it.

The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard
he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
             






Oklahoma City:

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a
district court when he fired his lawyer.

Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of
defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber.

Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown
your (expletive) head off." 

The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there."

The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.







Detroit: R.C.

Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car
computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood.

When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification.

Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and
moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed
Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.







Colorado Springs:

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash
from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that
he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the
bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't believe him.  At this point the robber took his driver's license out of
his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.  The cashier promptly called
the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.







Another from Detroit:

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"

When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.