June 25, 1999

"I don't remember how long exactly it took to complete my brand, but I do know that it took place over two days. the first day (or evening in fact), I drew the design on with a pen. I grabbed a small safety pin and a candle and sat down in my room. I heated the pin up a bit and applied it to the blue line. the first few times I jumped a bit, mostly from reflex. after that I used my right hand to steady the left (I'm a lefty) and it was easier to keep the pin on. if I removed it too soon then it hurt, but if I forced my hand to keep it there then it was fine. I guess it's sorta like if you turn on a tap and out shoots cold water. if you take your hands away you think it hurt, but if you just keep them there then you realize it's cold, not hot. not a great explanation, but the best one I can think of right now. the anticipation of pain made it real perhaps. anyway, I did the design and quit for the night. the next day I decided I wanted the lines thicker. so, I drew on more lines, outside of the first, and started again. this time hurt a bit - probably because I was going over already tender skin. right after I finished I took the pin and some tweezers and pulled off all of the dead skin. it didn't hurt. every two or three days I pull off the scabs, making sure to stay within the lines. I guess it's been about three times so far (I'm not sure when I did the actual brand, about ten days ago). it sometimes hurts, sometimes bleeds, but it's no worse than trying to get at a splinter. it is tender if you press on it, of course.

so far I'm extremely happy with it, although I can see at least one place that it needs to be touched up. I showed my roommate my brand and I don't think he really said anything. I was really drunk and he's pretty quiet anyway. I told my friend Katja about it on the 23rd (two days ago) and she seemed really positive. I asked her if she'd ever checked out the branding stuff on BME. she said no, it wasn't her thing. then I told her about mine and showed it. she said it was nice and gave off pretty good vibes. kewl :)

I pulled off the scabs last night, so today it's tender. the brand looks kewl in a super nasty kind of way. it's dark where the scabs are, then it's ringed in red today. sometimes it's super red (like after I've pulled the scabs), and other times it's just a little pink. it's tight when I kneel or something. I can't imagine someone with those huge big ass full back or arm brands and cuttings! they definitely have patience!"

well, the above was written a year ago. I think some of it is kinda funny :) I sound a little silly :) but, I haven't changed a word. I have extended the brand a bit since then...it is now twice it's original length. you can find a current photo on the photos page....

I still like it, and I am still glad I did it. but, some of it has wandered a bit, and since I never really irritated it (just picked scabs), and since it is quite shallow, it is not very prominent. I wouldn't mind if it was. I want to play with it more, but I don't want to mess it up any more than it is. I also find it much more painful to go over scarred skin, so it's no fun.

at the moment, I'm just leaving it alone.