A LITTLE HUMOR

Yes, I wrote these myself. Scary, eh?

The history of Thanksgiving according to Lisa

You've probably all heard the story how Thanksgiving began, right? You were told that people from Great Britain wanted freedom to practice their own religious beliefs and sailed to America. Then, we're told, they suffered greatly, until the Native Americans helped them to grow crops and prosper. To show their appreciation, the Pilgrims held a huge feast from the foods they'd grown. That became the USA's great Thanksgiving holiday, to remind us all to be thankful for what we have, and not to give up hope in trying times.

WELL! Not many folks know this, but here's how it really went down:

There was a couple named George and Martha. George was a real downer, the kind of guy everyone would walk on the opposite side of the street to avoid talking with him. And remember, streets hadn't been built yet, so imagine how difficult that must have been.

George: Martha, it's too darn cold in this hut. Turn on the heater!
Martha: George, you keep forgetting. Central heating hasn't been invented yet.
George: Well shucks. Then I need something to keep my mind off the cold. How about a rousing game of football on the TV?
Martha: George, you keep forgetting. Television hasn't been invented yet, either.
G: Martha, you're really getting on my nerves! You have such a negative attitude. I'm going down to the corner bar to meet with my fellow menfolk where we can do manly things like see who can belch the loudest.
M: Fine, buster. But thee will be sleeping on the sofa tonight.

George strolled down to the corner bar, which really was a teepee with some straw bales for seating. There he met with the lovely barkeep, Pocahontas.

Pocahontas: Welcome, George. I hast been expecting you. How art thou? And why do we have to talk so weird to you Pilgrims when we natives already had a perfectly fine language?
George: Beats me, Poca. Why are you women so hard to understand? Give me a martini, shaken not stirred, please.
P: Sorry George, martinis haven't been invented yet. How about some apple cider?
G: Well that does it. I quit. No heater, no TV, no martinis, I might as well go back to England where they have decent food like bubble&squeak. I'm shipping out tonight!
P: Sorry to see you go Pilgrim.(Thinks to herself Hey....I like the sound of that...I think I'll invent movies and have a burly man with a deep voice who says "Pilgrim" a lot.)

George wandered back to his hut, only to find 28 other Pilgrims and Native Americans there.

George:HEY! What are you people doing here, eating all my food! Do you think money grows on trees?
Martha: George, these people have brought the food themselves, for us to share. We're thinking of calling it a potluck. Isn't it wonderful?
George: Yeah right Martha. Listen, I've had it with all you fruitcakes.
Neighbor: Fruitcake! That's not until Christmas, George.
George: Whatever - listen, you people are all crazy. You burn corn seeds until they explode and then actually eat that! You stuff bread inside birds! If that's not bizarre, I don't know what is. I'm leaving for England tonight.
Martha, Pocahontas & all 28 other Pilgrims and Native Americans: HURRAY! GEORGE IS LEAVING! LET US GIVE THANKS.

And so, if it weren't for grumpy ol' George, you and I wouldn't have the chance to eat way too much food and argue with our relatives on a special day in November. What do you think, should we rename the holiday to ThanksGeorge?

MONDEGREENS

What the heck is a mondegreen? It's a silly sounding word, that's for sure, and it describes a silly situation. Read on, if you wish to be enlightened and you're in need of a good laugh or three.

The writer Sylvia Wright had heard an old Scottish ballad "The Bonny Earl of Murray" as a child. What she THOUGHT she heard was:

"Ye Highlands and Ye Lowlands
Oh where hae you been?
They hae slay the Earl of Murray,
And Lady Mondegreen"

How romantic & tragic, she thought. Lady Mondegreen died alongside her man. Imagine her surprise and dismay when, later in life, she learned that the real lyrics were:

"Ye Highlands and Ye Lowlands
Oh where hae you been?
They hae slay the Earl of Murray,
And laid him on the green"

To memorialize the "disappearance" of her tragic heroine, she coined the word "mondegreen" to describe misheard lyrics. But, don't look for it in your dictionary...not just yet, anyway.

There are so many misheard lyrics, it's a wonder we can all sing along! Some of the more well-known mondegreens include two Beatles songs. The song "Michelle" is sung in French, and a young lady translated it to "Michelle, ma bell, Sunday monkey won't play piano song, play piano song".
Another is "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" with the words "the girl with kaleidoscope eyes", to which some sing "the girl with colitis goes by."

How about that old church hymn "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear"? Did you think it was better as "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear" ? Or, how about Jimi Hendrix's song "Purple Haze" in which he sings "Excuse me, while I kiss the sky". So many folks misheard it as "Excuse me while I kiss this guy," that occasionally, on stage, he'd actually kiss a guy after that line!

Those of you old enough to remember the song "Groovin'" will recall the line "You and me endlessly", but many folks thought they sang "You and me and Leslie", which was a rather kinky suggestion in those oh-so-olden days.

A certain person heard Fleetwood Mac's song "Hypnotized" with the line "Which is wide, at least half a playing field" but she sang it as "Which is why the police have a plane field." I have NO idea who that person is though...honest, you believe me, don't you?

Here's a few more that should give you some chuckles. These are all true confessions from actual human beings. After reading some of these, I don't feel quite so dumb.

I Can See Clearly Now
Artist: Johnny Nash

The real lyrics were:
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way."
But someone misheard them as:
"I can see clearly now, my brain is gone, I can see all orchestras in my day."

When a Man Loves a Woman
Artist: Percy Sledge

The real lyrics were:
"He give up all of his comforts, and sleep out in the rain
If she says that's the way it ought to be
But somebody sang them as:
"He give up all of his cornflakes, and sleep out in the rain".

What a guy, giving up his cornflakes. I wonder if they were sugar-frosted too.

Even John Denver's songs rated a mondegreen. The song was
Take Me Home, Country Roads. Mr. Denver wrote:
"Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze", but one of his fans sang:
"Younger than the mountains, growin' lima beans" (Oh I just HATE lima beans!)

And yet another Jimi Hendrix tune,Hey Joe
The real lyrics were:
"Hey Joe, where you goin with that gun in your hand?"which became
"Pedro, where you goin' with that gum in your hand?"

The Pledge of Allegiance? It's quite a mouthful for kids, and here's what has tumbled out of some:
"I pledge a lesion to the flag (alternate version - "I led the pigeons to the flag"), of the United States of America, and to the republic for Richard Stans, one naked individual, with liver tea and just this for all."

Okay, now go enjoy your liver tea. And remember, I wrote just this for all of you!

Want more? Here's an entire web site devoted to messed up lyrics.

Now, on to some more fun!
Home
My Kitties
Recent adventures,wheee!
Fun Links
Click here to send me some e-mail