BANDAIDS FOR THE SOUL

Redsy was not only the class clown, he was the class terror because he was fearless. He was always in trouble with Miss Farley, our first-grade teacher. Miss Farley couldn't punish him enough to change his behavior. He did whatever he wanted to do, no matter what. He was also the smartest kid you ever saw. We were at the beginning of our first year of school, and Redsy could already count all the way up to one hundred. But Redsy had a little problem. He couldn't say the 'th' sound. He couldn't say the word "three" - it came out as "free." It drove Miss Farley crazy because she thought that he could do it right if he only tried harder. Every time Redsy would get caught doing something wrong, Miss Farley would keep him after school and make him practice his 'th's.' One Friday afternoon, Miss Farley announced that we were all going to count up to one hundred the following Monday. Sure enough, when Monday rolled around, Redsy was the first one to be called on by Miss Farley to come to the front of the class and count. As he passed her in the aisle, Miss Farley grabbed his sleeve and their eyes met. She was a mean old woman who strictly insisted on having things done her way. I remember not ever wanting to look her in the eye. We were all terrified of her, except for Redsy. He wasn't afraid of anything. Redsy started counting fast and furiously the instant he reached the front. "One, two, FREE, four, five..." The class snickered and Miss Farley started to get red in the face. Redsy got a little flustered too, because he realized what he had just done. He had told us in the schoolyard, before class, that he was going to do it right. On he went: "Ten, eleven, twelve, FIRTEEN..." The rest of us began to giggle and stifled laughter broke out here and there. Miss Farley stood up and glared at the class. We all stopped and became quiet as Redsy flew on into the twenties. Then the magic moment arrived. Redsy got to twenty-nine and when he did, the class held its collective breath in unison. Redsy met Miss Farley's stare with utter disregard and cried out, "TWENTY N-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-NE...FIRDY!" Then Redsy flew on in a continuous, nonstop torrent, "Firdy-one, firdy-two, firdy- free..." with a huge smile on his face. The entire class exploded in laughter. We were seeing Redsy at his best - he knew just exactly what he was doing! Our laughter was much more important to Redsy than was Miss Farley's wrath. Miss Farley lunged at Redsy to get him to stop, but he dodged her as easily as a rabbit and continued, "Firdy-four, firdy-five..." to a rising din of uncontrolled laughter. The laughter continued through the forties. When he reached the fifties, the laughter began to subside, and Redsy slowed his pace as he continued to dodge Miss Farley's now- feeble attempts to grab him as he ran back and forth in front of the class. She finally gave up and sat down at her desk, and Redsy picked up the pace. As he flew past "Ninety-free..." no one uttered a sound because we all were afraid of what would happen when he got to the end. "Ninety N-I-I-I-I-N-E...one hundred!" he bellowed. Then silence. Miss Farley remained at her desk with her head lowered, her face in her hands. She was shaking uncontrollably and we became alarmed. After a long moment, she lifted her head and laughter burst out of her like the breaking of a dam. Then the entire class joined in, including Redsy. Miss Farley finally agreed, for the first time in her long teaching career, that she had been had by the best. by Barry Fireman

What Do You See?

Cindy glanced nervously at the clock on the kitchen wall. Five minutes before midnight. "They should be home any time now," she thought as she put the finishing touches on the chocolate cake she was frosting. It was the first time in her 12 years she had tried to make a cake from scratch, and to be honest, it wasn't exactly an aesthetic triumph. The cake was . . . well, lumpy. And the frosting was bitter, as if she had run out of sugar or something. Which, of course, she had. And then there was the way the kitchen looked. Imagine a huge blender filled with all the fixings for chocolate cake -- including the requisite bowls, pans and utensils. Now imagine that the blender is turned on. High speed. With the lid off. Do you get the idea? But Cindy wasn't thinking about the mess. She had created something, a veritable phoenix of flour and sugar rising out of the kitchen clutter. She was anxious for her parents to return home from their date so she could present her anniversary gift to them. She turned off the kitchen lights and waited excitedly in the darkness. When at last she saw the flash of the car headlights, she positioned herself in the kitchen doorway. By the time she heard the key sliding into the front door, she was THIS CLOSE to exploding. Her parents tried to slip in quietly, but Cindy would have none of that. She flipped on the lights dramatically and trumpeted: " Ta-daaa!" She gestured grandly toward the kitchen table, where a slightly off-balance two-layer chocolate cake awaited their inspection. But her mother's eyes never made it all the way to the table. "Just look at this mess!" she moaned. "How many times have I talked to you about cleaning up after yourself?" "But Mom, I was only..." "I should make you clean this up right now, but I'm too tired to stay up with you to make sure you get it done right," her mother said. "So you'll do it first thing in the morning." "Honey," Cindy's father interjected gently, "take a look at the table." "I know -- it's a mess," his wife said coldly. "The whole kitchen is a disaster. I can't stand to look at it." She stormed up the stairs and into her room, slamming the door shut behind her. For a few moments Cindy and her father stood silently, neither one knowing what to say. At last she looked up at him, her eyes moist and red. "She never saw the cake," she said. Unfortunately, Cindy's mother isn't the only parent who suffers from Situational Timbercular Glaucoma -- the occasional inability to see the forest for the trees. From time to time we all allow ourselves to be blinded to issues of long-term significance by Stuff That Seems Awfully Important Right Now -- but isn't. Muddy shoes, lost lunch money and messy kitchens are troublesome, and they deserve their place among life's frustrations. But what's a little mud -- even on new carpet -- compared to a child's self-esteem? Is a lost dollar more valuable than a youngster's emerging dignity? And while kitchen sanitation is important, is it worth the sacrifice of tender feelings and relationships? I'm not saying that our children don't need to learn responsibility, or to occasionally suffer the painful consequences of their own bad choices. Those lessons are vital, and need to be carefully taught. But as parents, we must never forget that we're not just teaching lessons -- we're teaching children. That means there are times when we really need to see the mess in the kitchen. And times when we only need to see the cake.

Twenty Somethings To Say To Children

1. I love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that.

2. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one!

3. It's all right to cry. People cry for all kinds of reasons: when they are hurt, sad, glad, or worried; when they are angry, afraid, or lonely. When they feel. Big people cry too. I do.

4. You've made a mistake. That was wrong. People make mistakes. I do. Is it something we can fix? What can we do? It's all over. You can start fresh. I know you are sorry. I forgive you.

5. You did the right thing. That was scary or hard. Even though it wasn't easy, you did it. I am proud of you; you should be too.

6. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I made a mistake.

7. You can change your mind. It's good to decide, but it is also fine to change.

8. What a great idea! You were really thinking! How did you come up with that? Tell me more. Your mind is clever!

9. That was kind. You did something helpful and thoughtful for that person.That must make you feel good inside. Thank you!

10. I have a surprise for you. It's not your birthday. It's for no reason at all. Just a surprise, a little one, but a surprise.

11. I can wait. We have time. You don't have to hurry this time.

12. What would you like to do? It's your turn to pick. You have great ideas. It's important to follow your special interests.

13. Tell me about it. I'd like to hear more. And then what happened? I'll listen.

14. I'm right here. I won't leave without saying good-bye. I am watching you. I am listening to you.

15. Please and Thank You. These are important words. If I forget to use them, will you remind me?

16. I missed you. I think about you when we are not together!

17. Just try. A little bit. One taste, one step. You might like it. Let's see. I'll help you if you need it. I think you can do it.

18. I'll help you. I heard you call me, here I am. How can I help you? If we both work together, we can get this done. I know you can do it by yourself, but I'm glad to help since you asked.

19. What do you wish for? Even if it's not yet time for birthday candles and we don't have a wishbone, it's still fun to hear about what you wish for, hope for, and dream about.

20. I remember when... I will never forget... When you were little... I will always remember the time... I loved you then, too ... I always have a picture of you in my mind.

One Moment Please

"So, how do you develop a relationship?" This question was asked of me when I was doing a Relationship Service seminar for the YMCA. I have to admit that the question caught me off guard for a brief second. We had been talking "theory" all day and this woman wanted some concrete methods for developing client or, for that matter, any relationship. After pausing for a minute to collect my thoughts, I stated that the only thing I could do was tell her the truth from my experience. Somewhat shyly, I began to tell her the story of how my wife and I saved our relationship. My mind flashed back to a time when Karen and I were at a State Fair and I won two red velvet hearts as a consolation prize in one of the midway games. I broke apart the two hearts and gave one to Karen and kept one for myself. We had been married for 10 years and were going through a bit of a "flat spot" in our relationship. We still loved each other, but something was missing. Karen did not want the "flatness" to continue so one day she came up with a plan. She took one of the hearts and hid it in my towel while I was taking a shower. When I went to grab my towel, the red heart spilled out. As I bent down to pick it up, I was overcome with a rush of emotion that made me flash back to the time when I won the red hearts and the love we felt for each other at that moment. I then hid the heart in her sock drawer. She hid it in my underwear drawer. I hid it in the refrigerator. She wrapped it in plastic wrap and hid it in the peanut butter. Hiding the heart became as much fun as finding it. Each time we hid or found it was a moment to be treasured, like the first moment we fell in love or the first moment we kissed or the first moment we looked into our child's eyes. Each is a cherished and precious moment. How do you develop a relationship? One moment at a time!