M f I u S n C * E t L i L m A e N s Y

Gothika (2003)
Synopsis:
Gothika tells the story of Dr. Miranda Grey (HALLE BERRY), a dedicated and successful criminal psychologist who awakens to find herself a patient in her own mental institution with no memory of the murder she's apparently committed. She soon learns that her husband was brutally murdered three days earlier, and the bloody evidence points directly at her. With no memory of that night except for a cryptic encounter with a mysterious young girl, the doctor's behavior becomes increasingly erratic. Her claims of innocence are seen by her friends, colleagues and former patients as the beginnings of a deep descent into madness. As Miranda struggles to reclaim her sanity she soon realizes she's become the pawn of a vengeful spirit. Now she must quickly determine if she is being led farther from her sanity or closer to the truth.

13 Conversations About One Thing (2002)
Synopsis:
A group of people living separate lives are unaware of their subtle interconnections. The mix includes a cocky attorney who becomes a fugitive following a hit-and-run incident and a math professor whose wife is the victim of a mugging. Each person, caught up in the pressure of his or her own life, ends up asking the same, fundamental question: how is happiness obtained?


Chinese Lady: [Undistinguishable Name of Restaurant] Can I help you?
Judge Judy: HELLO!!! CL: Hi-eee
JJ: *quickly* Tell me your name.
CL: huh?
JJ: *quickly* Tell me your name.
CL: *uptalk* Wendy, 'ello?
JJ: YyyyeESS!!!
CL: huh?
JJ: How old are you!?
CL: How old are me? I'm a-
JJ: Just answer this question:
CL: *laughs*

JJ: Do you work regularly?
CL: Excuse me?
JJ: Do you work regularly?
CL: Uh, I's'a Chinese Res'auran'
JJ: Do you take any prescribed medications?
CL: I's'a Chinese Res'auran'
JJ: Okay.
CL: So you wan' some foo' for pick-up?
JJ: Yeesss.
CL: So, can I have your phone number?
JJ: NO!!
CL: Huh?
JJ: NO!!
CL: No, why?
JJ: What happened in April?
CL: What happen for eggroll?
JJ: What happened in April?

CL: Uh...did you call the wrong number? This is China {something}
JJ: NO!! Do you have a television set?
CL: huh?
JJ: Do you have a television set?
CL: No.
JJ: Not only are you not a very nice person, you're also a slob.
CL: *Laughing*
JJ: What happened in April?
CL: What happened for the eggroll?
JJ: Yeesss.
CL: No- no- nothing happened for the eggroll. I don't know.
JJ: Okay. What is adult novelty?
CL: I don't know.
JJ: Okay. What happened in April?
CL: I don't know what happened for the eggroll, dear.
JJ: No, that's not what I said at all.
CL: No, because I don't know.
JJ: What happened in April
CL: I don' un'erstan'
JJ: Did you understand what I just said?
CL: Sorry about that, I'm busy, bye bye.
Oops, I Crapped My Pants!


Open - porch of nice home, looking out on yard.

[Two grandparents sit with grandchild, as parents approach in tennis uniforms]

Ana: Hey, Mom what do you say to a game of tennis?

Grandchild: Come on grandma, with you on our side, the boys don't stand a chance!

Grandma: Okay, I'll get my racket

[Grandma rises from site but changes her mind, looking concerned]

Grandma: On second thought, I think I better sit this one out.

[Grandma upset, looks up at Grandpa]

Grandpa: You kids go ahead, I wanna have a talk with your old grandma.

[kids, parent leave; Grandpa sits down]

Grandpa: You're still having control problems, aren't you?

Grandma: I just don't feel confident, Harvey.

Grandpa: Come with me. I wanna let you in on a little secret.

[Grandpa takes Grandma's hand and they leave porch]

[Grandpa opens cabinet and takes out adult diapers]

Grandpa: Here we are. Oops! I Crapped My Pants.

Grandma: Oops! I Crapped My Pants. I've heard of those. Do they work?

Grandpa: Oops! I Crapped My Pants outperformed every bladder and bowel control product on the market today. Here, I'll show you.

[Grandma holds open diaper, Grandpa holds pitcher]

Grandpa: Imagine this pitcher of tea is really a gallon of your feces.

[Grandpa pours pitcher of tea with lemons into diaper]

Grandpa: See how its super thick protection allows for maximum absorbency without leaking.

Grandma: I'm impressed. Oops! I Crapped My Pants can hold a lot of dung.

Grandpa: And get this - Oops! I Crapped My Pants are biodegradable. Now that's good for the environment.

Grandma: Hey, how do you know so much about Oops! I Crapped My Pants?

Grandpa: Well I'm wearing them.. and I just did.

[Grandpa and Grandma smile at each other]

[tennis courts, Grandpa and Grandma playing tennis with children]

Grandchild: Nice point, Grandma!

[Grandma turns to address camera]

Grandma: Thanks, Oops! I Crapped My Pants!

Voice-over: Visit your local pharmacy and just say, "Oops! I Crapped My Pants.

[Grandpa hugs Grandma, kisses her on the head. They walk away happy]

[They turn to walk away and their tennis shorts are bulging...]


Zack: "Jessie, you can't sing tonight!"
Jessie: "Yes I can! I'm so excited...
I'm so excited...I'm so...scared."
Listen NOW




[ the Referee's whistle blows,
so Craig and Arianna jump up
for their next cheer ]
Together: "1, 2, 3, 4!
Who you think you're fighting for?
Your Momma! Hey, hey, your momma! Whoo!
Your Momma, your Daddy,
your greasy Granny got a whole new fanny!
Beg your pardon. Say what?
Beg your pardon. Say what?
We are the Mighty Spartans,
and we're here to take you out!"
Arianna: "'Cause we are a bad Mother.."
Craig: [ covers Arianna's mouth ]
"Shut your mouth!"




"Ugly Girl"

Ken: Hey Barbie
Barbie: Hey ken!
Ken: Wanna go for a ride!
Barbie: Sure Ken.
Ken: Well forget it!

Im an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl,
Sad I have it, I should bag it,
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair,
I'm a relation to Frankenstiens creation

Im a bland, homely girl,
All alone in the world, Im as flat as a board,
Thin and lanky

Ken: You're a dog, get a troll, 
were you hit by a train?
Wont go near you 
'cause your breath is skanky

don't get touched, Im afraid, 
cause guys say Im an eyesore
Ooooh

Im an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl,
Sad I have it, I should bag it,
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair,
im a relaltion to Frankenstiens creation

Ken: You're so ugly, you disgust me

Boo-hoo-hoo, yeah

Ken: You're so ugly, you disgust me

Ooh, ooh

Barbie: Oh, lets go out and have some fun!
Ken: Im sorry, but you're too damn ugly.
Barbie: Oh, screw you, Ken!!

This is addicting - if it works, that is.

Margaret Jo: Hello. I'm Margaret Jo McCullen.
Teri: And I'm Teri Rialto.
Margaret Jo: And you're listening to...
Together: "The Delicious Dish",
on National Public Radio.
Margaret Jo: Now, Teri, the days are getting longer,
and the mercury is rising.
Teri: It sure is, Margaret Jo.
And that can only mean one thing.
Together: Summer.

Margaret Jo: Now...one of my favorite things about
summer is that you can have your meals outside.
Teri: That is neat.
Margaret Jo: Yeah. It's fun.
It's warm. It's warm outside.
Teri: Yeah. Summer's my favorite season.
Margaret Jo: Same here.
Because it's hotter than the rest of the year.
Teri: It sure is.
Margaret Jo: It's fun, isn't it?
Teri: It's neat.
Margaret Jo: Fun.
Teri: Good times. Now, we have some exciting ideas
on how to keep cool during these summer months.
Margaret Jo: That's right, Teri.
One of my favorite summer treats is
a nice tall glass of soda water.
Teri: Mmm.. me, too. Sometimes,
to keep things interesting,
I like to add a little bit of ice.
Margaret Jo: Thanks for bringing that up.
Teri: You're welcome.
Margaret Jo: I see your point.
Teri: Thank you. And, actually,
I don't know if you noticed,
there are many different kinds of ice.
Margaret Jo: You're absolutely right.
There's cubed ice.
Teri: Crushed ice.
Margaret Jo: Cracked ice.
Teri: Shaved ice.
Margaret Jo: Shaved ice?
I didn't know ice could grow a beard!
[ they laugh ]
Teri: That's funny!
Did you just think of that right now?
Margaret Jo: No, I thought of it last night
and wrote it down.
Teri: You're very funny.
Margaret Jo: Thanks.
Teri: You're so fun to be around.
Margaret Jo: Thanks, so are you.
It's fun being with you.
Teri: You're welcome. But you know,
Margaret Jo, you could soda water all you want,
but it still wouldn't be summer without one thing.
Together: Cookouts.
Margaret Jo: That's right. We're so thrilled
to have our special guest with us today.
Teri: I feel really thrilled.
Margaret Jo: Me, too. He's the two-time winner
of the Great American Chili Cookoff,
and his spicy five-alarm chili recipes
are all I need to get my bronco bucking.
Teri: So please welcome - Rusty "Fireball" Wilson.
Thanks for coming, "Fireball".
Fireball: You're sure welcome. Wow.
I'm really fired up to be here.
Margaret : Well, "Fireball," talking to you
is just like being out on the old West.
Teri: Tell us, "Fireball", what is your recipe
for an unforgettable summer cookout?
Fireball: Well, you know I'm gonna
hurt my book sales for telling you this...
but there are three critical ingredients
for an authentic summer barbecue.
You might want to grab a pen for this.
They are: meat, bread, and sauce.
Teri: You might want to say that again,
in case our listeners didn't have a chance
to get a pen.
Margaret Jo: That's a good idea.
Fireball: Sure. Meat. [ pause ] Bread.
[ pause ] And sauce.
Margaret Jo: Wow. My stomach's
really starting to growl.
Fireball: Well, when all of it is said and done,
no single element of a barbecue
can get your mouth watering like a clean grill.
Margaret Jo: I'll be darned.
Teri: I guess that's why you're the expert.
Fireball: Yeah. You should always clean your grill.
A wire brush is a good thing to use.
Margaret Jo: I don't mean to rock your boat,
"Fireball", but what about using an S.O.S. pad.
Fireball: [ thinking ] Shoot,
I should have put that in my book.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Thanks!
Teri: You know, "Fireball", I'll bet
there's a world of facts about grills.
Fireball: Oh, there sure is. Did you know
that the first gas grill was invented in 1934.
Teri: Yes, I did.
Margaret: By Captain Carl Heinrick of Belgium.
Fireball: Bingo.
Margaret Jo: Hey, look, we have a call!
Fireball: That's exciting.
Together: "Delicious Dish", you're on the air!
Caller: Yeah, hi. I'm a big fan of the show
...but let me get this straight -
are you guys talking about cooking food outside?
Teri: Yes, that's what we're talking about.
Caller: But I mean, there's birds and rain outside.
Who knows what could happen.
Margaret Jo: You're right...but, likewise,
cookouts can be pretty unpredictable.
Caller: Okay. So, here's my question:
could I cook my food inside,
while I look out the window?
Teri: Uh...tht's not a problem for us. "Fireball"?
Fireball: Fine by me - only, in that case,
you should call it a "cook-in".
[ they laugh ]
Teri: That's funny! You... you should be on "Carson"!
Fireball: I almsot was.
Margaret Jo: Well, uh.. thank you for calling.
Teri: Thanks for calling!
Margaret Jo: Uh-oh, Teri, we've done it again -
we're out of time.
Teri: Oh, that's too bad.
Margaret Jo: Well, join us tomorrow on
"Delicious Dish", when our topic will be...
Together: Eggs.
Fireball: I had a good time.
Teri: Me, too.
Fireball: I hope I ddin't ruin your show.
Margaret Jo: No, you didn't.
It was really fun for us.

Sophia: Who's this?

Rose: Holly, this is –

Holly: Oh, wait now Rose, let me.
She's feisty, zesty, and full
of Old World charm: Sophia.

Sophia: She's mopy, dopy, and full
of crap: Rose's sister.

•

Blanche [to Marla and Jackie]:
Well, just let me freshen my make-up.
Girls, why don't you come with me
and I'll show you how I transform myself
into a fresh faced innocent young thing.

Rose: Could you skip the innocent part,
Blanche, the show starts in two hours.
Hi Folks, I'm Jeannie Darcy.
Hey, is it me,
or is it cold enough to hang meat in here?
Don't get me started. I'm a little cranky today,
it must be PMS.
Ladies, I get it so bad - I don't have periods,
I have exclamations points!
Don't get me started,
Do not get me started.

Tina Fey: What's...What is up with this lady?

Jimmy Fallon: I love her,
I know her from our building -
Isn't she hilarious?


C...C...Can I have a show of hands
for who likes to date in here?.......kaaay.
I'm very picky - I have a specific type:
Somebody who calls me back!
DON'T get me started.

My...exboyfriend was way too critical
He put down everything in the house
except the toilet seat.
Don't get me started.
He also wanted me to dress sexy all the time.
Ladies, can we talk about thongs?
Who designed these things?
'Cause it wasn't a woman.
Tina Fey, you're a woman,
You know what I'm talking about.

Tina: Y-yea, leavme, leave me out of this, please.

Jeannie: Um...I know what you're talking about,
sister friend.

And what about diets?
(interrupted)

Jimmy: That's it Judy,
yagot...ya gotta go now, but thank you
You were awesome - everyone loved you.

Jeannie: What's a matter Jimmy?
Have you Fallon and you can't get up?

Tina: Judy Darcy everyone!

Jeannie: Don't get me started!


Dorothy: Miami is nice, so I'll say it twice:
Miami is nice, Miami is nice.
Miami is...wait a minute -
You put in an extra "Miami is nice."

Rose: I had to, it hurts the music
if you don't put it in.
Dorothy: Yea, but the lyrics don't make any sense.
I mean, it goes, "Miami is nice,
so I'll say it twice."

Rose: Oooooh
Well, what about this:
"Miami is nice, so I'll say it thrice!"

Dorothy: Who the hell says "thrice"?

Rose:
It's a word!

Dorothy: So is "intra-uterine,"
it does not belong in a song.


Rose: Miami...you're cuter than...
an intra-unterine

un Times Movie Quotes
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© 2000 klaver81@aol.com

Adult incontinence is no laughing matter, and will not be taken lightly from here on out.
Semi-Retirement Home

Jimmy Fallon: Well, as the holiday season approaches, there are no doubt gonna be many holiday parties. At these parties, I urge you to drink responsibly. Especialy girls. Why? Because you don't want to end up like this. Please welcome Drunk Girl, everybody.

Drunk Girl: Wheeeee!! Hahahahaha!! Shut up! Hahahaha! This holiday season, it's hard to stop drinking because.. what?!

Jimmy Fallon: I.. I din't say anything.

Drunk Girl: I hate you, Jimmy Fallon! I hate you, I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you! I.. do.. hate.. you! your hair does look pretty rad, though! Hahahaha!! Give me a kiss! [ Jimmy refuses ] Get away from me! I'm smart, okay! I took Spanish! Como et te lama! That means "Hi!"

Jimmy Fallon: I never said you weren't smart...

Drunk Girl: I never said you were a fart! Ahahahaha!! Oh, my god, that's so funny! Ahahahaha! Shut up! I can make my tongue into a taco - look! [ demonstrates ]

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, that's great.. that's fantastic.

Drunk Girl: [ starts weeping ]

Jimmy Fallon: What?

Drunk Girl: Why would you sleep with my best friend..? In front of me..?

Jimmy Fallon: I never..

Drunk Girl: Do you wanna know what you are?

Jimmy Fallon: No.

Drunk Girl: Do you wanna know what you are?

Jimmy Fallon: No.

Drunk Girl: Do you wannow what you are?

Jimmy Fallon: No.

Drunk Girl: Do you wanowat you are?

Jimmy Fallon: No.

Drunk Girl: Do you wanowature?!

Jimmy Fallon: No.

Drunk Girl: You're not a man! Mmm-mmm. [ whispering ] You're an animal. Do you want to make out?

Jimmy Fallon: No, thank you.

Drunk Girl: Fine! I don't need you, then! I'm gonna go get me a slice of that Hugh Jackman!

Jimmy Fallon: Drunk Girl, everybody, Drunk Girl.
Caller?

Old Lady: Hello?
Miss Cleo: Hello, how are you today?
OL: Fine.
MC: Can I have your first name and your birth date, please?
OL: No. Who’s calling?
MC: I’m Cleo. Can I please have your first name only, and your birth date please?
OL: No, I don’t know who you are or why you’re asking.
I’m Miss Cleo. You’re a Libra arencha darlin’?

OL: No.
MC: Ya, y-ha ha ha.
Um, I-I don’t mean to side track your question here, but who are all of these nosy people – outside influences – I’m seeing around you by the moon card?
OL: Who told you to call?
MC: Cleo.
OL: I know, but why are you calling me?
MC: I want you to really remember – the pill, alright?
OL: Remember what!?
MC: I want you to really remember – the pill, alright?
OL: But isn’t this costing a lot of money?
MC: Ya, y-ha ha ha.
MC: I’m seeing forgettin’ possibly, and I’m seeing a new baby in the next three months.
OL: Ha – you’re *way* off track.
MC: Oh, my goodness.
Is there a gentleman in your life?
OL: No!
MC: Is he incarcerated?
OL: No.
MC: Did he used play football when he was in high school?
OL: No.
MC: Yea, that’s the daddy. You have a good life now!
OL: You have the wrong person.
MC: Pardon me?
OL: You have the wrong person.
MC: Well, I know this doesn’t make sense, but you know that things always happen for a reason. Don’t you agree?

OL: I know but this costs a fortune, this phone call.
MC: Ha ha ha ha.
OL: Who is paying for this?
MC: You’re a libra arencha darlin’?
OL: No!
MC: Yup.
OL: No, I’m not.
MC: Yup.
OL: Uh-uh.
MC: Yup.
OL: No.
MC: Yup.
OL: Nope.
MC: Yup.
OL: Nope.
MC: Ya, y-ha ha ha.
I love you.
OL: Aww*click*