Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
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We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
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It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
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My karma ran over your dogma.
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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
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I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
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Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
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It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
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If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
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My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
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I is a college student.
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Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
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Eschew obfuscation.
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Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
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It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
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Don't steal. The government hates competition.
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Is there life before coffee?
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Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
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The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
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Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
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Nuke the unborn baby whales.
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Geez if you believe in honkus.
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Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
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I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
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There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
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If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
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When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
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Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.
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An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the Earth.
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Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
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Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
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Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
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Honk if you love cheeses.
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Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.
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Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
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I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
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The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
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Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
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He who laughs last thinks slowest.
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Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
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A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
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Assassins do it from behind.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
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Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
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We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
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IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
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We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
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Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
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Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
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Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
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Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
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i souport publik edekasion.
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
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Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
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Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
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I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
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I love animals, they taste great.
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EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
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How can I miss you if you won't go away?
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Horn broken. Watch for finger.
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Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
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I brake for no apparent reason.
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Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
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Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
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According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
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Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
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Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
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All men are idiots, and I married their King.
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Rehab is for quitters.
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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
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Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
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Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
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Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
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The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
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Born free...Taxed to death.
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I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
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Dyslexia Rules KO.
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If you can read this, you can't be a New York City Cab Driver.
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My student beat up your honor student.
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Do you want to talk to the boss or the one who knows what's going on?
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Dyslexics have more fnu.
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Clones are people two.
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Jesus saves, passes to Moses: he shoots, he SCORES
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Microbiology Lab: Staph Only
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Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses
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Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor
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Anything free is worth what you pay for it
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Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
----------------------
Editing is a rewording activity
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Help stamp out and eradicate superflouous redundancy
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I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure
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Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
----------------------
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway
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