The winding road of the BlueRaven's mind
I'll try to let my thoughts flow as much as possible, but no promises.
6/23/2K1
I was on the internet trying to find my site on the search and noticed that the name "BlueRaven" was oftenly used by women. I feel wierd using this name when it's a commonly used woman's name. The name BlueRaven goes back years with me, three years to be exact. I already feel like a disgrace to the face of the human race, but there are different reasons for that. I just don't like the thought of going into a chat room and being seen as a woman because of the name BlueRaven. To me, BlueRaven is more than a name, it's a state of mind. Blue for the saddness that I feel day to day from the rejection I get from women and torments of my homebound life, and Raven for the shaded and modified personality that sees the outside world and interacts with the people I see in life. The person you see me as is a mere slice of the true Ravenian pizza I've learned to call my personality. My plan for my final year in high school is to be more of myself instead of filtering out the actions that I think will be seen as immature or childish. My success will only be found upon effort.
6/27/2K1
I don't know what to write right now. I feel kind of anxious because I'm listening to some video game music and it's making me want to play it, but I have to go all the way to the arcade. I wish I had a job and a girlfriend and money and a lot of things. My life is pretty good compared to how I percive it. I think that I live in a hell on earth, but I have a lot of privileges that some people don't. My mother has some kind of trust in me that I don't want to ruin by doing something stupid. I also have a room to myself, but besides home life, at school my social status is unrated since I talk very little (except to those who I know). I need to make an effort to be seen and know especially by the flourishing young women. Last year (Junior year) I ran for Senior class president (Step one of my publicity advertisement). I lost, of course, since I'm not well-known. I rather be unknown than disliked, but if I become popular with the women there will be some envious guys out there "hating on me" as some people would say. I'm one of the envious guys right now, hopefully it will change.
