So is the answer to give it up? Perhaps because going out can bring so many problems, some churches teach that 'Christians don't date'. If God means you to get married in the future, they say, he'll show you when the right person arrives.

This idea might look nice and safe, but I think it's nonsense. True, people didn't date in Bible times. But nor did they wait around for God to drop a partner from the sky. They had their own ways of pairing up. They trusted God to help them use those ways wisely - and he did. Our way of preparing boys and girls for mature relationships is called 'going out'. Unless we can actually prove it's sinful, we're free to use it.

Before we fling ourselves into a good time, however, let's hear from the apostle Paul. 'Someone will say, "I am allowed to do anything." Yes; but not everything is good for you' (1 Corinthians 6:12). Going out may not be a sin, but there might still be good and bad ways of doing it. In our relationships we can help others or hurt them, we can learn important things about ourselves and other people, or things it would be better not to learn.

God doesn't run a heavenly dating agency that will instantly provide the perfect partner. But he does want us to make good relationships - and to avoid, or at least learn from, bad ones. And though the Bible is short on 'boy meets girl' stories, I think we can still find plenty in it to give us a few 'rules for romance'.

Rule one : don't let romance become the centre of life.

Often we want a boyfriend or girlfriend just so that we can feel: 'I must be OK after all.' It's also a way of proving that we've really grown up. But listen to Paul again: 'Even before the world was made,God had already chosen us...' (Ephesians 1:4). And what did he choose us for? To become 'mature people' and 'grow up in every way to Christ' (Ephesians 4:13,15). God himself wants to help us grow up - we don't have to prove anything.

'Nobody loves me' is never true - God does. Our confidence doesn't have to depend on whether we've got a date this weekend or not. So one shouldn't feel the need to worry if he/she hasn't got a boy/girlfriend at fifteen - it doesn't make him/her a worthless person.

Rule two : know the difference between fantasy and reality

Romance gives us something to stretch our imagination. But romance can also give us very odd view of life. (Think of how many people you would reject and why?)

It there's anything the Bible is hot on, it's the need for truth. 'The truth will set you free,' says Jesus (John 8:32). 'Fill your minds with ... things that are true,' says Paul (Phillipians 4:8).

Romance tells one that they can change their partner in the end.

Reality is that people can't change people, only God can change a person's heart.

Romance tells that a couple can run away and be happy together forever..

Reality is that ... well has anyone read the statistics of broken unmarried couples (not to mention married ones!)? I'm not saying true love doens't last. It does. But remember who is love first - God. He gave us love, and the power to love. Not just any love. But everlasting love.

Most unrealistic of all is the idea that Christians can go out with non-Christians and convert them. What could be more romantic than him/her changing his/her entire life for your sake? Well, it does happen occasionally - but hardly ever amongst teenagers. Friendship and casual dates are fine - no one would ever get converted if Christians only mixed with Christians! But going out seriously is a close relationship that can influence us a lot. What if he/she persuades you to give up your faith? And even if not, what future is there for a relationship where you don't even agree about the basics of life?

Think about this carefully : Is it easier for the person on the table to pull the other person up? Or is it easier for the person standing on the ground to pull the other person down?

Rule three : be honest with each other.

People often suggest ways of 'tricking' boyfriends and girlfriends into behaving the way we want them to. But what does the Bible say? Here's a thought for all Christians: 'No more lying then! Everyone must tell the truth to his fellow-believer, because we are all members together in the body of Christ' (Ephesians 4:25). Those who know the truth ought to tell the truth.

Does this mean we should tell everyone exactly what we think of them? No: 'Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words ... so that what you say will do good' (4:29). But it does mean that being honest is a key ingredient in good relationships. 'A woman should keep her mystery', 'Never show her your weaknesses', and 'All's fair in love and war' are not biblical sayings!

Rule four : sex is too valuable to play with.

'The second date, and he hasn't kissed me yet!' 'Nearly the end of this page, and she hasn't talked about sex yet!' All right, I'll talk about it now.

Actually, the Bible doesn't say that much about it - except one whole book, the Song of Songs, which is all about how good it can be! But it does make one statement: 'A man ... is united with his wife, and they become one' (Genesis 2:24). In other words, sex has a meaning: uniting physically says, 'We belong together for good.'

If all we mean by sleeping together is 'You turn me on' or 'We belong together for a while' then we're telling a lie with our bodies. But that's also true of kissing and cuddling. If all you mean by a kiss is 'Kissing is fun' maybe you should think again.

Of course, the problem is, kissing is fun. It's tempting to try things out and discover how our bodies and emotions work. That's why we need to keep asking ourselves questions: am I saying more with my body than I mean with my heart and mind? Am I using this person? Are they using me? And even if we're 'going steady', we need to set sensible limits. 'Use your body for God's glory' (1 Corinthians 6:20)

Most of all, we need to talk things over with God. He's very broad-minded! 'In everything ... present your requests to God' (Phillipians 4:6). 'Everything you do or say, then, should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus' (Colossians 3:17).

Believe me when I say, the greatest love is in God. He'll never let you down. He will bless your life with love, and give you the power to love.