You Know It's Hot Outside When...


* You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
* Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it.
* Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
* Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.
* You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
* The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy"
* Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
* The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper
* Your pool water starts to boil in the sun
* The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot
* Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans
* A scalding hot shower still cools you down
* You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man
* People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames
* A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants
* The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves
* You need a spatula to remove your clothing
* When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts
* You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather
* You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible
* You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!
* Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell
* It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
* Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.
* You burn your hand opening the car door.
* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
* You are sitting inside reading these jokes
* Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips