Advancement opportunity - Lousy job

Entry Level - Really a lousy job

No experience necessary - The mother of all lousy jobs

Administrative assistant - Lousy job with a title

Ground floor opportunity - Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year

Progressive company - Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday

Team player - Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities

Upbeat personalities - Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first
year

Word processing skills essential - There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future

Public Relations Receptionist - Professional appearance important -$20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe

Pleasant telephone manner - Be the voice of 1-900-suck

Earn up to $300 per hour - Be 1-900-suck

Salary range $24K to $32K - The salary is $24K

Jeans job! - Minimum wage temporary job in concentration camp office

Will train - Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem

BA required, MA preferred - Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary

Civil service - This job was filled from the inside six months ago

Women/minorities encouraged - White males need not waste a stamp

Outstanding benefits package - Health insurance

Tons of variety - We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job

Top notch communication skills - Telemarketing

Beautiful offices in attractive locale - Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet

Secretary - Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker

Executive secretary - The most powerful position in any company

Dedicated - You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement

Salary commensurate - We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like

Salary negotiable - We'll take the lowest bidder

Competitive salary - We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job-period!

Competitive starting salary - Ten cents above minimum wage

Pleasant atmosphere - A staff of pod people

Professional atmosphere - Zombie pod people

Fun, creative atmosphere - Pod people from hell

Dynamic atmosphere - Zombie pod people from hell

Gal Friday - Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it

Self starter - Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means