Employee Performance Appraisal 

Name:
Title:
Department:
Supervisor:

KNOWLEDGE
[ ] Bastard really knows his shit
[ ] Knows most aspects of his job
[ ] Knows just enough to be dangerous
[ ] Only has half a brain and is dangerous
[ ] Wouldn't know his own name
[ ] Fucking brain damaged, his coffee cup has a higher IQ.

ACCURACY
[ ] Does excellent work if not preoccupied with sex
[ ] Pretty good only occasionally loses it
[ ] Doesn't give a shit about his output
[ ] Does shitty work and constantly screws up
[ ] Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten.
[ ] Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice

ATTITUDE
[ ] Extremely co-operative (If you kiss his ass daily).
[ ] Brown noser in good standing.
[ ] Often pisses off co-workers, thinks he owns the damn place
[ ] Doesn't give a shit, never did, never will.

WORK SPEED
[ ] Goes like a son of a bitch...if there's money in it for him.
[ ] Does all kinds of good shit at evaluation time.
[ ] Fast while being watched
[ ] Needs his ass kicked every 5 minutes
[ ] Couldn't do less if he were in a coma.

DEPENDABILITY
[ ] Really a dependable cocksucker.
[ ] Works so hard that he has to take an extra day off each week.
[ ] Conscientious if sexual urges satisfied
[ ] Can rely on him to be the first one out the door.
[ ] Totally fucking worthless.

CO-OPERATION
[ ] Extremely co-operative team member
[ ] Harmonious little brown nose
[ ] Co-operative only if coerced
[ ] Doesn't get on well with others
[ ] Doesn't give a shit, never has

APPEARANCE
[ ] Very neat and tidy, even combs his pubic hair
[ ] Looks great on his days off.
[ ] Needs to be introduced to toothpaste and deodorant
[ ] Dirty, filthy, smelly son of a bitch.
[ ] Flies leave fresh dogshit to follow him

PUNCTUALITY
[ ] So early we wonder if he goes home
[ ] Usually on time
[ ] Only late when there's a good reason
[ ] Late too often without excuse
[ ] Arrives so late, only half the staff have met him

LEADERSHIP
[ ] Kicks ass and gets things done
[ ] Constantly pisses off the troops
[ ] Dog fasted for three day last time he brought home pork chops.
[ ] Only cleaners obey him
[ ] Couldn't lead a starving dingo to fresh meat
[ ] Mother Teresa told him to get fucked.

I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE BEEN COUNSELED AND UNDERSTAND MY RIGHTS UNDER THE PRIVACY
ACT OF 1974. I FURTHER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I AM FUCKED UP AND WORTHLESS AS A FOOTBALL
BAT, AND I WILL MAKE SOME KIND OF ATTEMPT TO CORRECT MY OBVIOUS DEFICIENCES.

_______________________________ Employee Signature (If he can write)