REDNECK JOKES

You Might be a Redneck Jedi if...
* Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
* You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
* You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
* At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.
* There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
* You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word "chicken".
* You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
* You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
* A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
* You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
* Your master ever said, "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
* You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
* You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
* Wookies are offended by your B.O.
* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
* You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side, it'll be a hoot."
* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
* The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.
* You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.
* You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.
* More than half the droids you own don't function.
* The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.
* You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married. * You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.
* Your moonshine is made on a real moon.
* You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.
* Sandpeople back down from your mama.
* You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.
* You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.
* You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.
* You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.
* A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave.
* You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with
* You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
* You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.
* You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.
* The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
* You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper.
* You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father. And your uncle. And your brother...

What If Bill Gates Was A Redneck?:
1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders'95 would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunkredneck yelling "Freebird!"
8. Instead of Start Me Up the Winders'95 theme song would be Achy-Braky Heart
9. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Vishul C++
11. Winders'95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13. Instead of latte carts we'd have grits carts
14. New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
18. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire
20. Spreadsheet software would include examples in inventory dead cars in your front yard
21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
23. Instead of asking "where do you want to go today? it's more like Hey mister, can I ketch a ride in the back?
24. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad
Signs You Are At A Wedding In Tennessee
You might be A Redneck If....