Viagra Jokes



Pfizer invented a pill for women in answer to Viagra. One hour after a woman takes the pill she gets a headache.
A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?" "Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud physician, "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history. "So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way. A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! "Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician, "What does your wife think about it?" "Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't been home yet."

If you're depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a professional. If that doesn't work, see a doctor!

Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland - a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

Dan Quail does not support Viagra. Quote: "I've been using this stuff for a week and NOTHING! It's the worst suppository I've ever used."

Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.

Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges suddenly went up.

For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, they're raising the dead!

The difference between Niagra and Viagra?
Niagra Falls.

It's been said that if you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time, things work great -- but you look like Don King, afterward.

A Viagra delivery truck was highjacked: The police are looking for two 'hardened criminals'. They expect a stiff penalty under the penal code.

Unconfirmed but frequent reports tell us that a man who overdosed on Viagra caused the funeral home problems - they couldn't close his coffin lid for 3 days.

Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.

With Viagra being such a hit... the manufacturer, Pfizer is bringing out a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

DIRECTRA- a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72% of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost. This compared tothe control group of 0.2%

PROJECTRA- men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA- men taking this drug reported a sudden overwhelming urge to perform more child care tasks.

COMPLIMENTRA- In clinical trials 82% of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed their wives had a new hair style.

BUYAGRA- Men taking this drug showed a tendency towards buying expensive jewelry and gifts after only two days on the medication. It has still notbeen determined in clinical trials if the drug can be continued for a period longer than your store's return policy limit.

NEGRA-VIAGRA- Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. Presidents.

LIAGRA- This drug causes men to be truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. This drug will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential strength versions.

FLYAGRA- This drug has been found useful in men suffering from OFD (open fly disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

Viagr, Viagra, Viagra:
While Pfizer has had a lot of great press regarding the launch of Viagra, the male impotency drug, its marketing department has been working to develop its advertising campaign to augment its sales once all of the media coverage has died down. While going through potential commercials, they realized that such an important medication needed a theme song to help its long term identity.
Here are a few of the top suggestions that came up in the meeting:

I am a Rock
Paul Simon

A Hard Days Night
The Beatles

Do That To Me One More Time
Captain and Tenille

Everlasting Love
The Bee Gees

No Ordinary Love
Sade

We've Only Just Begun
Paul Williams

Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Cindy Lauper

When I'm 64
The Beatles

This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and she says, "I'll be home in an hour." He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife? She calls him from her car phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks. The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?""Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."

Top Ten Slogans Currently Being Considered by Viagra:
10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper"
9. "One-a-day, like iron"
8. "Get a piece of the rock"
7. "You've come a long way, baby"
6. "Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em"
5. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman
4. "Tastes great, more filling"
3. "Viagra, built ram tough"
2. "Here's the beef!"
and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:
1. Just do her.
MORE!!!
* We bring good things to life!
* Melts in your mouth, not in your hands!
* A sex life you can hang your hat on!
* The Pecker-Picker-Upper!
* We work harder, so you won't have to!
* 10 inches long, and growing!
* Viagra: When it absolutely, positively HAS to be tonite!
* Viagra, home of the whopper.
* This is your penis. This is you penis on VIAGRA. Any questions?