PUT OUT AN APB ON THAT SOB FROM TCB
The owner of the "Takin' Care of Business" cleaning service reportedly did first-class work on his job at Richmond International Airport in Virginia. As it turns out, he was cleaning up in more ways than one. The man managed to steal several thousand dollars from a United Airlines drop safe with a little help from....his vacuum cleaner. Richmond police say the man used the vacuum's hose to suck up cash, checks, and credit card receipts from the narrow drop slot of the safe during his nightly rounds. When the deposits began disappearing, bewildered airport authorities set up a surveillance camera near the safe, and managed to videotape the cleaning man in the act of "takin' care of business."

FROM CAMERA CREW TO WRECKING CREW
Two Atlanta men got into a fight recently, and a news crew from WAGA-TV in Atlanta were right on top of the action. In fact, they were the action: the fight was between two of the TV station's cameramen. The pair had gotten into a disagreement earlier in the day, and while preparing for a live story on a local bank robbery, they began an argument that turned into a fistfight. By the time police arrived to break up the fight, one of the men had pulled a knife and stabbed the other, and both were headed for jail. The reporter on the crew was not involved in the incident. She reportedly finished setting up the equipment and did the live report on the bank robbery all by herself.

SOME PEOPLE NEVER LEARN
A Lubbock, Texas man who was arrested for threatening his family may face additional charges. Police say that while being booked for the original assault, the man called his wife from the police station and threatened to kill her as soon as he was released. Officers disconnected the call when they realized what was happening.

THIEF GETS THE BIRD
A man in Ontario, Canada returned home one evening to find his more valuable and easily-fenced goodies stacked neatly beside the door. When the homeowner saw the living room was also spattered with blood, he feared the worst for his beloved housepet, a large African parrot. The parrot was alive, though in a nasty mood, and investigators determined that the blood in the room hadn't come from the bird. The mystery was solved a short time later when police arrested a scratched, clawed, and thoroughly terrified burglar hiding nearby. The man told the cops he'd broken into the house, and the parrot -- who hadn't batted an eye while he piled up his loot by the door -- suddenly attacked him. The suspect fled empty-handed when the parrot launched an all-out attack on his eyes. The man told police "I'd rather go to jail than face that bird again."

UNDERACHIEVER OF THE WEEK
A man attempting to rob a branch of Suntrust Bank in Cleveland, Ohio ended up fleeing empty-handed. The problem: he made the robbery attempt from inside his car at the bank's drive-thru window. The teller says the man pointed a gun out the window of his car and told her to "send out the money," adding that he had a bomb in the car with him. When the teller dropped behind the counter and pulled the blinds, the man drove away.

AND YOU THOUGHT GALLAGHER HAD A WEIRD ACT
A man was arrested in Westport, Connecticut after he brought a chainsaw into a local restaurant and carved his initials into the floor. The man told police he knew the owner and was sure he would find the stunt hilarious. What he didn't know is that his friend had recently sold the restaurant to another man, who had no idea who the chainsaw-wielding comedian was.

DIGITAL DINGBAT
A Brunswick, Georgia man pulled a residential burglary and made off with a cell phone, video game system, and digital camera. He might have gotten away with it, if he hadn't taken his own picture with the camera before hocking it at a local pawn shop. His image was still in the camera's memory when the victim went to the shop to identify it. She told police the man in the picture had asked her about renting a house the day of the burglary. The owner of the pawn shop positively identified the suspect as the man who had pawned the camera. After being confronted with the evidence, the man confessed to the crime.

DUMB LAWSUIT NEWS
A Georgia man is suing the makers of "Liquid Fire" drain cleaner for burns he suffered on his legs while using the product. Liquid Fire is normally packaged in a spillproof container, but the man says he thought the original package "looked flimsy," so he poured the contents into a homemade container of his own design. He was burned by the product after it leaked out of the "safer" homemade container. He's arguing that if the original package had looked sturdier, he wouldn't have felt the need to change containers, and thus wouldn't have gotten burned.

DUMB CITY GOVERNMENT NEWS
An elderly New York man and his wife were killed in a natural gas explosion that severely damaged their home. One day later, city officials sent a letter to the dead husband demanding that he clean up the damage immediately. The letter said "the responsibility to take such action is yours, and because of the severity of the condition, the work must begin immediately." A spokesperson for the Brooklyn buildings department apologized for the error and sent condolences to the couple's family.

POLITICIAN, HEAL THYSELF
A student activist From Oshkosh, Wisconsin was running for the state legislature on a "privacy" platform, demanding stronger laws to protect privacy on the internet. The candidate's campaign ended after he was arrested for stealing another man's identity and taking more than $2000 from his bank account. He was caught after a teller at the bank where the thefts took place saw him campaigning on a local television program.

ME AND MY BIG MOUTH
A talkative waiter at an IHOP restaurant in Carrolton, Texas annoyed the cops who regularly stopped in for a bite by talking to them nonstop, to the point where he was interfering with their meals. His salary at IHOP was apparently not enough to make ends meet, so the chatty clerk decided to take a second job: he robbed a nearby bank. One of the officers reviewing the bank's security video immediately recognized the face on the tape, telling fellow officers "hey -- it's the guy from the IHOP that won't shut up!" The cops took a picture to the restaurant, got the suspect's name and address, and arrested him.

IRONIC CROOK NEWS
A Los Angeles street gang member was killed during an attempted drive-by shooting. Police say the man was leaning out the window preparing to fire when the driver of the car he was riding in got too close to a parked car along the curb. The gangbanger's head collided with the rear window of the parked car.


An armed robber in Cedar Rapids, Iowa got his cash, fled the bank and hopped into his getaway car, no doubt pleased with himself over a job well done. The thief's vanity ended up being his undoing: the car was sporting a personalized license plate that featured the man's last name. It didn't take the cops long to find him and it didn't take him long to plead guilty.

B0WLING FOR ARREST WARRANTS
Controversial rap star Eminem, who's had several well-publicized brushes with the law recently, was part of a violent assault in Milwaukee, Wisconsin -- even though he was nowhere near there at the time. Milwaukee police say an 18-year-old man at Willie's Lanes bowling alley grabbed a 12-year-old boy and choked him into unconsciousness after the boy played one of Eminem's songs on the bowling alley's jukebox. The suspect admitted to police he was unhappy about the boy's selection, but said he was just "messing around." The music critic faces up to five years in prison if convicted.

NOW -- IT'S MILLAH TIME!
A Thomasville, Georgia man who was being arrested on a drunk driving charge managed to steal the arresting officer's police cruiser and lead the cops on a high-speed chase before giving them the slip. The suspect was arrested at a convenience store about two hours later, after he stopped and made a call to the local 911 emergency number. the man told a dispatcher "I'm not out of control, I'm just scared," adding that he had been having marital problems. He had apparently been having thinking problems too -- police say he had stopped at the convenience store to buy beer. An ice-cold six-pack was found in the front seat of the police cruiser.

VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO GROW UP STUPID"
A woman walked into a convenience store in Belfry, Kentucky, pulled out a 25 caliber handgun, and demanded all the money from the cash register. AS The terrified clerk begged the robber not to shoot her, the suspect tried to calm the clerk's fears by calling her by name and saying "I wouldn't hurt you -- I graduated with you." She escaped after relieving the clerk of $110. When State police arrived at the store and interviewed the clerk, they sent an officer across the street to the high school that the clerk -- and the thief -- had graduated from. The clerk was able to pick out the suspect's picture from the school's yearbook, and police were able to make a quick arrest.

CAUGHT ON TAPE!
A night clerk at a convenience store in Kansas City, Missouri put tape over the store's security cameras, removed the money from the cash register, and stashed it in a trash bin behind the store. The clerk then called police to report he had been robbed. The investigating officers didn't take long to figure out the clerk was lying: the tape he had used on the security cameras was transparent masking tape, which meant the whole scam had been recorded on video.

HANSEL & GRETEL ROLLED INTO ONE
A 29-year old man in Inman, South Carolina was arrested for robbing a branch of CCS Bank recently. The nervous suspect had forgotten ask for a bag to put his loot into, so as the teller handed over the money, he began frantically stuffing it into his pants and socks. As the suspect fled, he was losing so much of the loot that residents along his escape route called police every few minutes to report on his progress. Within 40 minutes of the robbery, Inman police had the suspect in handcuffs.

HEY -- THEY'RE STEALING OUR LOOT!
Clumsy bandits in Maylasia robbed a jewelry store of $110 thousand dollars worth of gold and gems, but managed to lose it all just outside the store. The problem: they, too had failed to bring along a bag to stuff the loot into. The thieves were forced to carry their haul out of the store on a large open metal tray. Outside the store, one of the men dropped the tray in the street, and was immediately swarmed by a crowd of freelance loot-looters. One of the suspects even tried to disperse the crowd by firing a warning shot into the air, but by the time the melee had cleared, every single piece of the jewelry was gone, and police sirens were closing in. The bandits were forced to flee empty-handed.

MAJOR WING-DING
A group of customers got a little hot under the collar at a Tallahassee, Florida chicken wings restaurant recently. After a dispute with the management turned into a loud argument, several customers jumped on the counter, yelled "get the employees," and began hurling beer bottles and other objects at the staff. One customer reportedly threw an electric fan that hit the restaurant's owner in the shoulder, prompting the owner to pull a revolver from his pants pocket and order the unruly crowd to get out of his store. "I was in total fear for my life," he said later. Talahassee police arrived to help restore order, though no charges were filed, and no one was arrested. the reason for the original argument? The restaurant had run out of celery sticks to go with their chicken wings, and was serving french fries as a substitute side dish.

CELEBRITY DUMB CROOK NEWS
Actor Brad Renfro -- best known for a co-starring role in the movie version of John Grisham's "The Client" -- will need a lawyer of his own after being arrested in Florida. The actor and a friend allegedly tried to steal a 45-foot yacht from its berth in a Ft. Lauderdale marina. The pair crept aboard the yacht under cover of darkness, got the engine started, and roared away -- realizing too late they had forgotten to untie the boat from the dock. The lines yanked the boat violently back into the dock, awakening several nearby boaters who detained the thrillseekers until police arrived.

ITEM 4: RETURN STOLEN BOOTY
A 41-year-old woman is suing the New York Police Department for wrongfully arresting her during a sting operation at Staten Island Mall. Officers say the woman walked away with a planted handbag containing $2 in cash. The woman's defense is that she suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder, and must go through a carefully-prepared "things to do" list in rigid order every day. She says she simply had a long list of other things on her list that day, and hadn't gotten around to returning the purse yet.

I TOLDJA THEY HAD A PLAN!
A branch of Centura Bank was robbed in Edenton, North Carolina by three armed gunmen. The trio first secured the scene by forcing the ten people inside the bank into the vault. it Sounded like a good idea at the time. One problem: with all the hostages crowded inside the vault, the thieves couldn't get to the money. No doubt beginning to sweat it out at this point, the thieves had to march the hostages back out of the vault and make them lie down on the bank floor. A customer at the drive-thru window noticed the commotion inside the bank and sped off to alert the cops. Believe it or not, the three men actually made a clean getaway, and are still at large.

TONIGHT AT 6: WHEN IDIOTS ATTACK!
The Channel 13 news van was stopped at a redlight on the streets of Bartow, Florida recently, when a group of loud malcontents pulled alongside and started yelling "Hey -- put us on TV!" An officer in an unmarked police cruiser happened to pull up behind the two vehicles, noticed the ruckus, and decided to run the license plate number of the second car. He quickly discovered the tag had been reported stolen. Quicker than you can say "I wanna be a TV star," the loudmouths were completely surrounded by cops. The driver was charged with possession of the stolen tag, and his passengers were arrested on a variety of outstanding warrants. One positive note -- they did get to be on Channel 13 News.

AND FINALLY...
A Hartford, Connecticut man grabbed a $500 air compressor from a local hospital, threw it in his waIting car, and sped away. A short distance later, the crook ran a red light and smashed into another car, suffering lacerations and other minor injuries. The responding ambulance took the injured man back to the same hospital he had just ripped off -- just as police showed up to investigate the theft.