In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points.
Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You
don't get any points for doing something she expects - sorry,
that's the way the game is played.
Social Engagements
------------------
You stay by her side the entire party............. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college drinking Buddy... -2
Named Tiffany............... -4
Tiffany is a dancer.......... -6
Tiffany has implants..........-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
lovingly..+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and
chain" and pat her on the rump.......... -5
When she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think
she's pretty, you say,"Yes, but nowhere near as pretty as
you".. +1
When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's pretty,
you say,
"Yeah, but don't
worry, she's lousy in bed"..... -6
That woman is her sister.............. -90
You have one drink, and that's it.... 0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle.....
-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being
fingerprinted....-18
Saturday Afternoon
------------------
You go to the mall together................. +3
You go to the mall, drop her off in front, then park the car.. +4
Then drive to a sports bar............... -2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like
it... +3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a
sectional.. 0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk...... +3
Most of it chips and beer.......... -6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the
den....+15
Or refinishing the floors............. +19
Or rewiring the basement........... +21
Or adding a second floor............. +25
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket....
-6
And you're tickled pink about it................ -15
You visit her parents.............. +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation........ +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television.... -3
And the television is off............. -6
You spend the afternoon watching football in your
underwear.... -6
And you didn't even go to college............. -10
Drinking beer ........ -12
And it's not your underwear......... -15
Her Birthday
------------
You take her out to dinner................. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...... +1
Okay, it is a sports bar............... -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.............. -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team...... -10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar
player....+3
You get up and sing..... +4
And you stink........... +2
And you're not half bad....... +5
You sing an AC/DC song, and you're escorted out to much
applause.. -2
You give her a gift...................... 0
It's a power tool..................... -20
It's a small appliance................ -10
It's not a small appliance............ +1
It's not a chocolate...................+2
A gift that you'll be paying off for months... +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day... -10
With her credit card..................... -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big........ -40
And you leave the sale price on............... -50
Thoughtfulness
--------------
You forget her birthday completely.......... -10
You forget your anniversary.................. -20
You forget to pick her up at the airport..... -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey............... -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.....-50
A Night Out With The Boys
-------------------------
Go out with a pal................ -5
And the pal is happily married....... -4
Or frighteningly single........ -7
And he drives a Trans Am......... -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)... -15
You have a few beers............. -5
And miss curfew by an hour....... -10
You get home at 3 am..............-20
Smelling of booze and cheap cigars... -30
And not wearing any pants............. -40
Is that a tattoo???..................-200
A Night Out
-----------
You take her to a movie.................. +2
You take her to a movie she likes........ +4
To a movie you hate (anything with Barbara Streisand) +6
To a movie you like.......................... -2
It's called DeathCop 3.................. -7
Which features cyborgs having sex....... -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and dogs...
-15
When asked how she looks, you reply, "fine" or
"nice"..... 0
You reply, "beautiful" or "gorgeous"... +5
You reply anything without being asked.... +10
You notice something she did special, (hair, nails,
eyelashes)....+15
You mention you like her new hairdo............. +15
She says she had that done last week........ -10
Flowers
-------
You buy her flowers only when it's expected..... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it.... +5
You can actually name a few of them.......... +8
You can name all of them, because you hand selected them.. +10
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself......
+10
And she contracts Lyme disease............ -25
Your Physique
-------------
You develop a potbelly......... 0
You develop a noticeable potbelly.............. -10
You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.... +10
You resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts........ -5
Driving
-------
You lose the directions on a trip.............. -4
You lose the direction and end up getting lost........... -10
You refuse to ask for direction................. 0
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town....... -15
You meet the locals up close and personal.......... -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt...... -60
The Big Question
----------------
She asks, "Do I look fat?"................... -5
(Sensitive things always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding................ -10
You pretend you didn't hear............... -12
You reply, "Where?"....................... -25
You reply, "Compared to what?"............ -30
You reply, "But I like you that way"...... -35
You reply, "Not for your age" ............ -40
Communication
-------------
When she wants to talk about a problem: ... -5
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned
expression..... 0
She realized the TV is on behind her............. -10
You listen, for over 30 minutes................ +5
More than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV..... +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...... -10