Submitted by Neysa Rhodes
During all police investigations, it will be
necessary to visit a strip club,
at least once.
All telephone numbers, in America, begin with the digits 555
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St.
Patrick's Day parade--at any time of the year.
All beds have a special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to
the armpit
level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside
her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone
in the control
tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even when scuba
diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
place. No one
will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to
any other
part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload you gun, you will always have more
ammunition, even if
you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back
home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be
necessary to speak the language, a German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or
killer beast,
the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art
exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating,
but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
through it before
long.
When paying for a Taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out
a bill, just
grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
elsewhere in the
universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, you
should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises in
their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always
say: Enter
Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every morning
even though their husband and children never have time to
eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective or
give him 48
hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
red readouts so
you know exactly when they are going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you
are visiting.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication
systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial
arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by
dancing
around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make
sure they are
deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause
no lasting
damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects
you personally
at that precise moment.