ACTIVITY                                CALORIES BURNED
    
 REMOVING CLOTHES
 With partner`s consent.............       12
 Without partner`s consent......           187
     
 UNHOOKING BRA
 Using two calm hands..............        .7
 Using one trembling hand........          36
     
 GETTING INTO BED
 Lifting partner.....................      15
 Dragging partner along floor.......       16
 Using skateboard................          3
              
 ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
 For normal healthy man........            2.5
 Losing erection.....................      14
 Searching for it....................      115
                             
 PUTTING ON CONDOM
 With erection....................         1.5
 Without erection...............           300
                                   
 INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
 If the woman who does it is Experienced.. 6
 Inexperienced...................          73
 If a man does it...............           650
 Add (5) calories for retrieving it from across the room.
                                     
 POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY
 Italian- Man on top, woman in kitchen     26
 Russian- Woman on bottom,
          Man getting permission           55
 American- Both on top                     60
     
 POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE
 Bouncing                                  7
 Sliding around                            9
 Serious skidding                          12
 Whiplash                                  27
     
 ORGASM
 REAL                                      27
 Faked                                     160
     
 ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
 Shoes flew off                            35
 Expression didn`t change                  1/2
 Orchestra swelled                         6
 Birds sang  --  Large birds               7
 Small birds                               3
 Earth moved                               30
     
 PULLING OUT
 After orgasm                              1/2
 A few moments before orgasm               500
                                     
 PENIS ENVY
 For woman                                 3
 For men                                   72
                    
 GUILT
 Despite no formal training, 
    orgasm comes easily, naturally         53
 You`re enjoying sex, 
    despite the fact that other people
    are starving                           2
 Sex on your lunch hour                    3
 Putting it on expense account             20
                                     
 AGGRAVATION
 Partner keeps showing plant               5
 Partner insists on cuddling the dog
    during foreplay                        14
 Partner just visited bathroom for 
    7th time                               10
 Partner is taking phone calls             7
 Partner is making phone calls             40
                                     
 GETTING CAUGHT
 By partner`s spouse                       60
 By your spouse                            100
 Trying to explain                         55
 Trying to remain calm                     100
 Leaping out of bed                        75
 Getting dressed in one motion             500 

And who says sex isn't great exercise?