Friday, December 19. Somewhere over Iceland. Northwest Airlines is a nostalgic airline: They just cannot bear to part with their old airplanes. With the possible exception of TWA (who is broke), Northwest has the oldest fleet in the business.
I’m riding in a mid-1970’s DC10 – one of their nicer aircraft. It moans and groans on take-off, creaks throughout the flight, and gasps a sigh of relief when it touches down. Charming.
Do I sound jaded? It’s just that Northwest is a master at creating a dehumanizing travel experience. Nobody does it better.
Actually, I’d just rather be riding on British Airways. Their flight to Detroit from London is on a brand-new Boeing 777. And it’s more than just the fact that the plane is twenty years younger (and so are the flight attendants) (that’s not nice, I’m sorry). It’s the service. Let me give you an example: A couple of months ago I flew from London to Rome on British Airways. Let’s compare it to a typical Northwest flight, shall we?
| British Airways | Northwest | |
| Aircraft | Boeing 767 – late 80’s, early 90’s | McDonnell Douglas DC9 – saw service in the Vietnam war. Has served under six U.S. Presidents. |
| In-flight Meal | Three courses, hot, tasty. | Turkey sandwich. Package of mustard. Came with the aircraft when it was delivered to Northwest Airlines in ‘69. |
| Snack | Ice-cream bars served about 30 minutes after dinner. | Huh? |
| Landing music | Mozart. Lights turned off as we fly in over London at night. "Look, there’s Big Ben." | "Music? Would you like to hear the safety presentation again? By the way, the captain would like to know if anyone has a roll of duct tape?" |
| Salutation | "Thanks for flying with us. We hope to see you again soon." | "See, that wasn’t so bad. You’re here, aren’t you?" |
In all fairness, I have over 70,000 flight miles this year on Northwest and, for the most part, I have left on time, arrived on time, and my baggage has made it with me. Now, if I could just get an ice cream bar…