THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox
SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are
away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend
is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is
away for the weekend.
48 My wife is
away for the weekend.
66 My second wife
is dead.
FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17
"tongue"
25
"breakfast"
35 "She
didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't
have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home
alive."
FAVORITE FANTASY
17 getting to
third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking the
company public
66 Swiss
maid/Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET
17 roaches
25 stoned-out
college roommate
35 Irish setter
48 children from
his first marriage
66 Barbi
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen
King feature at a drive-in
25 "Split
the check before we go back to my place"
35 "Just
come over."
48 "Just
come over and cook."
66 sex in the
company jet on the way to Vegas.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack
with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash
my hair
25 Need to wash
and condition my hair
35 Need to color
my hair
48 Need to have
Francois color my hair
66 Need to have
Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "Burger
King"
25 "Free
meal"
35 "A
diamond"
48 "A bigger
diamond"
66 "Home
Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and
handsome
25 tall, dark and
handsome with money
35 tall, dark and
handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with
hair
66 a man
HOUSE PET
17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed
boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter
and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from
his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired
husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs
Muffy the Cat
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to
pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks
breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks
breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew
breakfast