Sign on the entrance to a delicatessen: KNOCKWURST BEFORE
ENTERING!
Did you hear that a new restaurant has opened in India? It’s a New Delhicatessen.
Did you hear that a new restaurant has opened in India? It’s a New Delhicatessen.
Does the customer who buys malts at the carnival always get a fair
shake?
A type of Scottish cheese: Loch Ness Muenster
A type of Scottish cheese: Loch Ness Muenster
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating
dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me
crazy! What’s wrong with me?" The doctor thought a moment and said,
"It’s simple. You’re two tents."
The fish secretary lodged herself in a pipe and could no longer type. Her
doctor said, "This is a clear case of carp in tunnel syndrome."
I had trouble finding the shellac because it had varnished from
sight.
Nuclear physicists often have trouble concentrating on one project because they have too many ions in the fire.
Nuclear physicists often have trouble concentrating on one project because they have too many ions in the fire.
Did you hear about the art dealer who was transporting some valuable
paintings to customers when his truck went off a bridge and plunged into a
river? Questioned by the police, the dealer observed, "I hated
Toulouse-Lautrec, but that’s the way the Van Goghs."
I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left. It
bothered me, so I suggested he see a doctor. For years he refused, but last week
he finally went and, sure enough, the doctor discovered that my friend’s
left leg was 1/4 inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of surgery later both
legs were exactly the same length; and he no longer leans. "So," I
said, "You didn’t believe me when I said a doctor could fix your
leg." He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected."
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the
manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But, why?"
they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I
can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
How did the pig with laryngitis feel? Dis-gruntled.
How did the pig with laryngitis feel? Dis-gruntled.
Did you hear about the two peanuts who walked down the street and one was
assaulted?
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