Two men are sitting on a bench, one man saw a dog by the
other man and asked if his dog bit. The man said no. So the
other man reaches down to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
The Man said I thought you said your dog don't bite.
The other man said "that's not my dog"

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his
hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate
to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards,
it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards,
the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should
I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip
the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food,
I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "OK, but, the
waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight."

The young man had asked for a job with the circus - any
job just so he could travel with the circus. The owner of the
circus, thinking he might be able to make an assistant lion
tamer out of the young man, took him out to the practice
cage. The head lion tamer, a beautiful young woman, was
just starting her rehearsal. As she entered the cage, she
removed her cape with a flourish and, standing in a gorgeous
costume, motioned to one of the lions. Obediently, the lion
crept toward the young woman, licked her elbow, and rolled
over twice.
"Well," said the owner to the young man, "think you could do that?"
"I'm sure I could, Sir," said the young man, "but you'll have to get
that lion out of there."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the
window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not
himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put,"
the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can
accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb,
laid it on the bench, and walked out.

A man has two horses and can't tell them apart, frustrated he
asks a friend for help. The friend suggest that he cut one of
the horses manes and that way he can tell them apart.
The man thinks it is a great idea and cuts the mane of one
of them, but soon afterwards the other horse gets it's mane
caught in barbed wire fence and to free it he has to cut it's mane.
He tells his friend about it and he suggest that he try cutting
one of their tails and again the man thinks it is a great idea
and it works for a while but then the horse with the full tail gets
it caught in the fence and to free it the man has to cut it's tail.
Very upset the man returns for more advice from his friend.
The friend says that he has noticed that one of the horse
looks a bit bigger than the other and maybe it would be a
good idea to measure the two horses. The man thinks it is
worth a shot and goes home to give it a try and after
measuring the horses calls his friend up and tells him that
sure enough the black horse is bigger than the white one.

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