DEAR ABBY:

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

DEAR ABBY:

I've been married for six years and I have five kids. No twins. My husband still wants to have sex at night and sometimes in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his hobby.

DEAR ABBY:

I have a man I could never trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

DEAR ABBY:

I am a 23-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

DEAR ABBY:

I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

DEAR ABBY:

Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illigitimate doctor?

DEAR ABBY:

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

DEAR ABBY:

I joined the navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

DEAR ABBY:

My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

DEAR ABBY:

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

DEAR ABBY:

Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.

DEAR ABBY:

My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.

DEAR ABBY:

I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting officer.

DEAR ABBY:

Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.

DEAR ABBY:

This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said "I will," I damn well knew he couldn't.

DEAR ABBY:

I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? GERTIE

DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?

DEAR ABBY:

My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend. Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final judgement? He says he's saving for a rainy day. FORTY YEARS HITCHED

DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining.

DEAR ABBY:

My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to get him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? CAROL

DEAR CAROL: Nevermind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

DEAR ABBY:

Are birth control pills deductible? KAY

DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.

DEAR ABBY:

Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

DEAR ABBY:

Do you think about dying much? CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: No, that's the last thing I want to do.

DEAR ABBY:

Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? JAKE

DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

DEAR ABBY:

I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one he wouldn't know what to do with it.

DEAR ABBY:

I've always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money doing it. Any suggestions? SAM IN CAL

DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.

DEAR ABBY:

What inspires you most to write? TED

DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

DEAR ABBY:

When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you?" RITA

DEAR RITA: Depends on what you've heard.

DEAR ABBY:

I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. ROSE

DEAR ROSE: So would I.

DEAR ABBY:

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? BESS

DEAR BESS: Night and day.