1. Bad: You find a a porn film in your son's room. Worse: You're in it.

2. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other.

3. Bad: Your husband's a cross-dresser. Worse: He looks better than you.

4. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.

5. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman.

6. Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your son "borrowed" it.

7. Bad: Your wife is sick. Worse: Of you.

8. Bad: Your unit only measures out to be 2 inches long. Worse: Erect!!

9. Bad: Your husband has become a playboy. Worse: Centerfold.

10. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband.

11. Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually.

12. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in unexpectedly.

13. Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.

14. Good: Your boyfriend's on a diet. Bad: So he'll fit into your clothes.

15. Good: Your daughter practices safe sex. Bad: She's eleven.

16: Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad: She's 350 pounds.

17. Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex. Bad: You live downtown.

18. Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's coming home.

19. Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them.

20. Good: Your wife just experienced her first orgasm. Bad: With the postman.

21. Good: Your wife's got a flat stomach. Bad: And a matching chest.

22. Good: Your wife's got large breasts. Bad: And a matching ass.

23. Good: Your wife reminds you of your mother. Bad: In bed.

24. Good: Your girlfriend's got soft, long, blond hair. Bad: Under her arm.

25. Good: Your daughter's boss raves about her work. Bad: He's a pimp.

26. Good: Your son just graduated from high school. Bad: He's 27.