Everday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on

Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong

Don't drive in circles at any cost
So I don't have to admit when I am lost
Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
Every time I go to the john

Let me tell you men
Listen to me boys
Those things in your pants
That you treat as toys
You love them more than we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill

I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you're two hours late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score

I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
And just cause I'm assertive
Don't call me a bitch

I don't wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don't go to Sears
To look at the tools
I don't cheat at poker
I follow the rules

I don't smoke cigars
Don't pay for drinks at bars
I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi"
And it's o.k. for me to cry

I know all you men
Think that you're "IT"
But compared to a woman
You just ain't SHIT!

EAST TO THE SEA,
WEST TO THE LAND,
DEATH TO THE BITCH,
THAT TOUCHES MY MAN.

ROSES ARE RED,
APPLES ARE SOUR,
OPEN YOUR LEGS,
AND ILL SHOW YOU SOME POWER.

ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLUE,
TRASH GOT DUMPED,
AND SO HAVE YOU.

ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLACK,
GO TO HELL,
AND NEVER COME BACK.

IF YOU NEED A NICKLE,
ILL GIVE YOU A DIME,
IF YOU NEED A MAN,
BITCH DONT FUCK WITH MINE.

ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLUE,
GOD MADE ME PRETTY,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?