Whether you are a freshman or a 70 year old student for life, I'm sure you will appreciate the truth to these words.

This paper needs some minor revision.
I never actually got around to reading this.

Not much is known about ....
I don't know anything about ....

My office hours are by appointment only.
I like to get out of here early.

Bring the text to class.
I don't have a clue how to lecture -- we'll just kill time with group read-alongs.

We'll be spending a fair amount of time on this important concept.
This was my dissertation topic.

The tests will all be multiple-choice.
I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.

The final will be comprehensive.
I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

This year I'll be scaling the grades.
I just passed tenure review.

Well, that answer would be beyond the scope of this course.
I haven't a clue.

You won't be able to sell the text back to the bookstore.
My contract wasn't renewed with the university.

Please note the last day to withdraw.
The midterm's gonna ruin you.

Well, it was on the syllabus.
I'll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.

Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade.
I'm so boring that no one would show up otherwise.

Let's go over the exam.
Half of you failed.

Don't write on the question sheet.
I'm so lazy, I just use the same exams every lousy semester.

This won't be on the test.
Nap time!