HOW DOGS ARE DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN

    Dogs don't cry.

    Dogs love it when your friends come over.

    Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

    Dogs think you sing great.

    A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

    Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.

    The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you

    Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

    Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

    Dogs are excited by rough play.

    Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

    Dogs understand that farts are funny.

    Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

    Anyone can get a good-looking dog.

    If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

    Dogs don't shop.

    Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

    A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

    Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

    A dog's parents never visit.

    Dogs love long car trips.

    Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for
    directions.

    When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you
    can shoot it.

    Dogs like beer.

    Dogs don't hate their bodies.

    No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.

    No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

    Dogs never criticize.

    Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
    across.

    Dogs never expect gifts.

    It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

    Dogs don't worry about germs.

    Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.

    Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your
    wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.

    Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

    You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hour a
    day.

    Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewellery.

    Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

    Dogs never want foot-rubs.

    Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

    Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

    Dogs can't talk.

    Dogs aren't catty.

    Dogs seldom outlive you.

HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE

    Both look stupid in hats.

    Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

    Both tend to have "hip" problems.

    Neither understand football.

    Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word
    you say.

    Neither believe that silence is golden.

    Both constantly want back rubs.

    Neither can balance a chequebook.

    You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
 
    Both put too much value on kissing.

HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

    It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.

    Women look good in sweaters.

    Women leave the room to fart.