These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high
school essay" contest :
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His thoughts
tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer
without Cling Free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her hair glistened in
the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He
spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went
blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about
the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The little boat gently
drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like
a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal
quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on
at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She caught your
eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen
doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black
dots in the center.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob was as perplexed as
a hacker who means to access T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her
vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this
guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall
Man."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Long separated by cruel fate, the
star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two
freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph,
the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The
thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal
being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red
Crayola crayon.
*****************************
"One can never
consent to creep
when one feels an impulse to soar."
- Helen
Keller
*****************************
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