Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a
very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day
she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would
never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from
work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told
him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she
passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could
stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would
walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped
at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of
baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving
home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed
excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for
dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at
the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the
blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to
touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the
phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and
the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of
the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one cheek, and let
it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like cabbage cooking in a
high school locker room on a hot August afternoon. She took her napkin
and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the
other cheek and ripped three more. At this point, it smelled like a
bulk truck full of rotten potatoes running over a skunk in front of the
pulpwood mill in Lincoln.
When the phone farewells signaled the end of
her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it
on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to
herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband
returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked,
and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the
blindfold, and there was her Surprise!!!
There were twelve dinner
guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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