Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless
acted upon
by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a
nearby scurrying mouse
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a
straight line, unless there is a really
good reason to change
direction
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters
attract cat hair in
direct proportion to the darkness of the
fabric
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a
cooler body, except in the case
of a cat, in which case all heat flows to
the cat
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance
proportional to the length
of the nap just taken
Law of Cat
Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a
position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is
possible for
the cat
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough
to reach just about any
counter top that has anything remotely
interesting on it
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at
a constant rate, until he gets good
and ready to stop
Law of
Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is
served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its
naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A
cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
desire for her to do
something
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy
can neither be created nor destroyed
and will, therefore, use as little
energy as possible
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know
that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping
Law of Refrigerator
Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will
come along and take out something good to eat
Law of Electric
Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into
bed at
the speed of light
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat
will always seek, and usually take over, the most
comfortable spot in any
given room
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given
room must contain a cat within
the earliest possible
nanosecond
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in
direct proportion to her
embarrassment times the amount of human
laughter
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in
milk, squared, just to show
you he can
Law of Furniture
Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional
to
the cost of the furniture
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will
always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Fluid
Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus
the amount of milk consumed
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's
interest level will vary in inverse proportion to
the amount of effort a
human expends in trying to interest
him
Law of Pill
Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach
escape velocity
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of
Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't
Matter
*********************************
"You can't
expect to hit the jackpot if you
don't put a few nickels in the
machine."
- Flip Wilson
*********************************
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