You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU
DO?
SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped
into shape in 30 days, much less 30 minutes, employ the Locked Door Method of
cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is
intentionally locked.
CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the
bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds
SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should
be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but
it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No
muss, no fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes
SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you
think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9
cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to
shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out
of sight when company's coming.
Time: 2 minutes
SECRET TIP 4:
CLOTHES DRYERS
Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger.
CAUTION: Avoid hiding
flammable objects here.
Time: 2.5 minutes
SECRET TIP 5: WASHING
MACHINES & FREEZERS
Like Secret Tip 4, except even bigger.
Time: 3
minutes
SECRET TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES
No bed should be without one.
Devotees of Martha Stewart believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from
under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of
us know a dust ruffle's highest and best use is to hide whatever you've
managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.)
Time: 4
minutes
SECRET TIP 7: DUSTING
The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House
method says: Never dust under what you can dust around.
Time: 3
minutes
SECRET TIP 8: DISHES
Don't use them. Use plastic or paper
and you won't have to.
Time: 1 minute
SECRET TIP 9:
VACUUMING
Stick to the middle of the room, which is the only place people
look. Don't bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes way too long and no
one looks there anyway.
Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living
room only
SECRET TIP 10: LIGHTING
The key here is low, low, and
lower. It's not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of
dirt.
Time: 10 seconds
SECRET TIP 11: BED MAKING
Get an
old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things are made up or not,
saving you hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime.
Time:
0
SECRET TIP 12: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS
Forget one and two.
Concentrate on three.
Time: 1 minute
SECRET TIP 13:
If you
already knew at least 10 of these tips, don't even think about inviting a
Martha Stewart type to your home.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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