Short Stories Of The Truly Moronic
Will the real dummy please stand
up?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
With a little help
from our friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was
standing beside them, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself
up!"
What was plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own
bank accounts.
These nitwits are teaching our children?
A
9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his
elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly
told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump
higher."
-and-
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended
for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest
Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy (not to be confused with
the "zero-intelligence" policy).
Some days, it just doesn't pay to
gnaw through the leather straps!
Fire investigators on Maui have
determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a
short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This
is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone
broke in and stole my new security system."
The getaway!
A man
walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the
cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk
and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and
grabbed him.
Too well educated?
In Medford, Oregon, a
27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder
of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If
I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."
Did I say
that?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who
just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man
in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Ouch, that
smarts!!!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a
dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms.
The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was
running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police
spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."
Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.
Are we are
communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is
pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her
first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is
her husband!"
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer!
In Modesto,
CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun,
but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
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