You know you've been out of college too long when...
Your potted
plants stay alive.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is
absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is
when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favorite song
on the elevator at work.
You carry an umbrella.
You watch the
Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and
break-up.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
Jeans and
a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
You're the one calling
the police because those damn kids next door don't know how to turn down the
stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around
you.
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your
car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog
Science Diet instead of McDonalds.
Sleeping on the couch is a
no-no.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
Dinner and a
movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
MTV News is no
longer your primary source for information.
You go to the drugstore
for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
A
$4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
You actually
eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists are longer
than:
macaroni & cheese
diet pepsi
Ho-ho's
'I just can't
drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much
again'.
Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for
real work.
You don't get liquored up at home, to save money, before
going to a bar.
It takes you all night to do what you used to do all
night.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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