your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
he paints
flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles you have a shuttle called
"Billy Joe Bob"
he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
he refers
to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
he has the sensor array repaired with
a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
he installs a set of bullhorns on
the front of the saucer section
he says, "Got your ears on, good
buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
he hangs fuzzy dice over
the viewscreen
he rewires his communicator into his belt
buckle
he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack
above it
he says, "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
he has a
hand-tooled holster for his phaser
he insists on calling his executive
officer "Bubba"
he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of
"Bassmaster"
he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and
turnip greens
he paints the starship John Deere green
he refers
to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
he refers to the Mutara Nebula
as a "swamp"
his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
he
sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
his idea of dress uniform is
CLEAN bib overalls
he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
his
idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and
weenies
he sets phaser to "Cajun"
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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