01. Pedal-powered dialysis machines.
02. Use of antibiotics deemed
an "unauthorized experimental procedure."
03. Head-wound victim in the
waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace."
04. You ask
for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.
05. Annual breast
exam conducted at Hooters.
06. Exam room has a tip jar.
07. You
swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before
the anesthesia kicked in.
08. "Will you be paying in eggs or
pelts?"
09. Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal
thermometers.
10. "Take two leeches and call me in the
morning,"
11. The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding
turnip.
12. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
13.
Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia Farrow's
doorstep.
14. Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to
walk around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their
pocket.
15."Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of
Tic-Tacs.
16. Chief Surgeon graduated from University of
Benihana.
17. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left
when you enter the trailer park."
18. Doctor listens to your heart
through a paper towel tube.
19. Only item listed under Preventive Care
feature of coverage is "an apple a day."
20. Only participating
Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine.
21. Only proctologist
in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
22. Plan covers only "group"
gynecological exams.
23. Preprinted prescription pads that say "Walk
it off, you sissy."
24. To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat
culture, the doctor just French kisses you.
25. Recycled
bandages.
26. You can get your flu shot as soon as "the" hypodermic
needle is dry.
27. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants
you gave to goodwill last month.
28. 24-hour claims line is
1-800-TUF-LUCK
29. Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an
oversized 2-sided copier.
30. Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to
face upward.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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