Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy:
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Giraffiti:
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Tatyr:
A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm:
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis:
Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis:
A degenerate disease.

Burglesque:
A poorly planned break-in.

Karmageddon:
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido:
All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication:
Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Carcinoma:
A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade:
To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly:
Impotent.

Flabbergasted:
Appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent:
Describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Abdicate:
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Lymph:
To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle:
An olive-oil flavored mouthwash.

Bustard:
A very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee:
A person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence:
The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash:
A rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics:
Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude:
The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster:
A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.