How to Win at Golf
- Training
- Mental Prep
- Watch PGA Religiously
- Get that computer game with Jack what'shisname
- Rent "personal victory" subliminal tapes
- Equipage
- Make sure your putter has a pro autograph on it
- Pick up a bargain bag of tees-n-balls at K-Mart
- Diet
- Avoid baseball or football food
- No Hotdogs
- No pretzels
- No peanuts or Crackerjacks
- Absolutely No Alcohol!!
- Pre-Game
- Dress
- Put on shorts, even if it's freezing
- But a new hat if you lost last time
- Location and Scheduling
- Select a course where your spouse won't find you
- To save on fees, play where your buddy works
- Opponent
- Look for: obesity, femininity, alzheimers, inexperience
- Shun: suntan, stethescope, strident walk, florida accent
- Buy opponent as many pre-game drinks as possible