Duncan and Tommy

by Lillie Kingston and Hannah Rosenbaum

Lillie: Candy stood on the platform, frightened and trembling, naked as the day she was born. Yes, she was so very naked; that is to say, she was so verily without clothing that not a single square inch of her body remained unexposed. In one swift, shining moment, she had reached scary new heights of nudity. Goosebumps rose on her left thigh as a cold winter breeze tickled her skin.
Hannah: Candy moved slowly to the opposite end of the platform and balanced perilously on its edge, her toes gripping the side. She’d had done with this crazy world, and she was damned if she would stick around to see any more of it. With her beautiful Tommy gone back to his home planet, she had nothing left to live for.
This will make a lovely picture on tomorrow’s front page, she thought as she steeled herself to take the final plunge. Peace was waiting for her, only twenty-five stories down.
Lillie: Her body hit the dirty, icy pavement and broke in several places upon impact. She made a sound like walking on a bag of dry pasta. After a few moments, Candy opened her eyes and was a bit upset that she was not dead yet. She slowly straightened herself out and felt her broken bones, lacerations, bruises, and puncture wounds healing within her.
Amazing! she thought, I’m immortal! She paused in her thought. Well, that’s not going to stop me from killing myself, and she jogged down to the local antique store, owned by Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod.
Hannah: Duncan MacLeod looked up surprisedly at the jingle of the bell over his door which announced a visitor to his Shop of Antiquities. He never expected customers at this hour of the day...in fact, he rarely expected customers at all. The Shop of Antiquities was hardly a thriving business, and didn’t bring him much profit. He was glad he had his marijuana syndicate to keep him afloat.
He drew in his breath sharply at the sight of the petite woman, completely naked, standing in the entrance way of his store. She was obviously badly hurt, and her diminutive, perfectly formed body was covered with half-healed gashes and darkening bruises. Duncan MacLeod could tell that this beautiful woman needed his help immediately. Luckily, he was trained to react swiftly to crisis situations. He ripped his shopkeepers robe off of his body, which rippled with Adonis-like muscles, to reveal a World War II style nurse’s uniform complete with the starched cap. The cap, which was the purest snowy white his dry-cleaners could produce, nestled comfortably in his flowing, luxuriant waves of hair. He adjusted his athletic supporter briefly, and then rushed to the young woman’s side. The poor girl, had, in the meantime, collapsed on the floor...whether from exhaustion or fear, Duncan MacLeod was unsure.
Lillie: "Are you hurt?" Duncan blurted out, before he could stop himself from asking such a stupid question.
"Ugh ... jumped off a building ... survived anyway ... jogged over here ... got hit by a bus ..." she whispered softly, and passed out.
"You poor, crazy kid!" cried Duncan, and he clutched her hemorrhaging head to his bosom, mussing his pure white nurse’s uniform. He put her head down on a pillow, then scrambled into the full lotus position so as to summon all of the healing powers within him to save the beautiful girl. A clichéd TV bolt of lightning shot from his erect, manly nipples and surrounded the woman with a bright light. Her wounds were healed and her elegance was restored.
Hannah: But just as Candy’s injuries were repaired, a mythically charged axe, which had been suspended from the ceiling as part of a store display, was dislodged from its moorings and came careening down towards her. Duncan MacLeod, fatigued from curing the girl’s damages, did not see the razor sharp blade tumbling down towards her. The axe fell gracefully, its cutting edge honed to a glistening precision, flashing in the dim light from the store windows. At the last possible minute, Duncan MacLeod glanced upwards and saw the fatally aimed axe plunging towards the girl. He lunged upwards, grabbing for the handle. But just as he got a firm grip on the axe’s hilt, the blade, still descending with a Herculean velocity, drawn downward by gravity and fate, sliced neatly through the girl’s slender neck. Duncan MacLeod stared in horror at what had happened: by grabbing the axe’s handle, he had inadvertently redirected its downward course, thus aiming it right at the girl’s throat. He gasped like a drowning fish at the hideous realization that he had killed this innocent girl. Duncan MacLeod wondered, fleetingly, whether his pristine morals would stand up to this barrage of sin.
Lillie: A moment later, he got his answer, as his antique store started whirring like a generator, and the room filled with light. It was the Quickening--every time an immortal killed another, he gained all of the knowledge inside the victim’s head. Candy was an immortal all right. Duncan screamed as the flashes of lightning fed him all of Candy’s information and all of the electronics in the room exploded. The Quickening ended in only a few seconds.
She must not have known very much, Mac decided, and recalled some of Candy’s fondest memories. He gasped as he stumbled upon a memory of Tommy. Tommy was her boyfriend? he thought, and recalled days of yore in Lithuania with his old friend, Tommy, or as he was called in the 1700’s, "Susan."
Hannah: The Shop of Antiquities was obscured in a computer generated mist, as Duncan MacLeod flashed back to Lithuania, so long ago, and the love he had shared with the man no one could pin down....

It was the summer of 1769, and Lithuania was ravaged by war and pestilence. Duncan MacLeod was posing as a simple housewife, in order to avoid persecution by the Welsh Corgis who had invaded Lithuania in 1766. He lived an uncomplicated existence, waiting for a time when it would be safe for him to reveal his true gender. He tended his radish garden, knitted exciting underwear and ran the village inn. Duncan MacLeod was sure that nothing could upset the stability and simplicity of his life. He was wrong.
One sultry July afternoon, Duncan MacLeod was preparing a sumptuous meal of radish soup, radish pate and a strawberry tart without so much radish in it for the guests of the inn. He was sweating with the effort of peeling and slicing the radishes, so he decided to take a short vodka break in his dooryard. It was there, sitting on the cool stone step that led out to his dooryard, sipping his vodka and brushing out his long, luxuriant masses of brunette hair, that he first saw Tommy. He, too, was posing as a housewife in order to avoid persecution. Duncan MacLeod was captivated by his dazzling smile, his potato-like complexion and his gorgeous flaxen braids which shimmered in the light of the setting sun. He drew his breath in sharply (as he had a tendency to do), knowing that he had finally found the one he was meant for.
Lillie: Duncan watched with a flirtatious and probing eye as this young he-she approached his/her humble inn. A coy smile spread over Duncan’s face, and he ran his slender, feminine fingers through his long, dark tresses. The pretty young man stopped at Duncan’s feet and peered at him over his dark glasses, fashioned out of obsidian polished to a high gloss. He took the spectacles off and could see the innkeeper clearly for the first time. He found himself just as dazzled with Duncan as Duncan had been with him. Duncan’s delightful English smile, adorable ski-jump nose, and rhinestone studded ascot gave him an intersexed charm that Tommy had never known before. Now he craved to have this man, or woman, more than he had ever craved anything in his 267-year-old life.
"Hello," said Tommy, or Susan, as he was called at the time.
"Hello," said Duncan, who had been going by the name "Heather." They immediately sensed the lust shared between them as they first exchanged words.
"Do you believe in ... destiny?" asked Heather, and she-he batted his/her eyelashes innocently.
"Had I been asked the same question only moments earlier," Susan breathed, "I might have said no."
Hannah: Heather smiled seductively up at Susan, displaying a glimmering row of pearly white teeth, unenhanced by any orthodontia.
"Won’t you come in?" Heather exhaled. Susan, overcome with desire, could only nod in acquiescence.
Lillie: The flashback faded out as Duncan became too overcome with memories, emotions, and hormones to look back anymore. Duncan and Tommy had a torrid love affair for six sweet months before they were torn apart when the Welsh Corgis sent them to separate concentration camps. Duncan had nearly wasted completely away after twelve long, tortuous years inside of the Corgi camp. After that, Duncan had never seen Tommy again. But now, now that he had beheaded Candy, he had the information he needed to contact Tommy. Could he do it? Could things ever be the same? Had it been too many years, had they grown too far apart to stir up the dying embers of their once fiery passion?
Hannah: Duncan stood up, brushing several dried nodules of blood and bile off of his snowy white World War II style nurses uniform. Damn! he thought. I’m gonna have to get this thing dry cleaned again! He moved quickly, slicing Candy’s cooling body into delectable, portable pieces with a large paring knife. Duncan wrapped the pieces in old sheets of newspaper and placed them inside a silver tureen, where they were forgotten. Weeks later, when the tureen was sold to an eccentric old gentleman from New Jersey, Duncan’s mistake would be discovered, and the full force of the law brought down upon him. But for now, it didn’t worry him.
Lillie: Yes, now was not the time to think of law and consequence. Now was a time of new beginnings and old flames, of intergalactic travel and wet, hot man-on-man lesbian sex. It’s been too long, my old friend Duncan decided to himself as he rummaged through his closet and found his old ascot and Tommy’s dark glasses. Yes, he thought again, far too long.
Hannah: Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Duncan, Tommy was already aware of Candy’s death and of Duncan’s renewed memories of him. When they had parted in Lithuania, Tommy had sworn that when they were free once again, he would find Duncan and make him his bride. Tommy had also spent many torturous years in a Corgi camp, losing an elbow and developing a chronic case of carpal tunnel syndrome. When he emerged, he was a bitter, changed man. But he still remembered the flames of passion for Duncan MacLeod that had kept him going, even through his darkest hour. He spent years searching for his lost love, and he finally found him. It was 1806, and Tommy had traveled all over Europe in his quest for Duncan. His travels brought him to Dublin, and that is where he found his beloved. Unfortunately, when Tommy found him, Duncan was writhing in the throes of passion underneath a buxom blonde wench. Tommy was jealous and hurt beyond words, and that very night, he vowed to destroy the man who had broken his heart.
Lillie: Duncan was far more forgiving than his darling Tommy was. As much as his newly gained memories of Candy and Tommy together angered him, he still loved him. Candy never really loved him. He was her pawn in her game of love! he thought angrily, recalling memories of the two together in positions he thought only Hindus could twist themselves into. Wow, he thought and remembered her past, Both in the full lotus position at once??! He pushed these thoughts aside for the time being and prepared to travel across time and space to Tommy’s planet, filling his suitcase with necessary articles.
Hannah: Tommy watched Duncan make his preparations, through his magic looking glass, with callused amusement. The only man he’d ever loved would soon be coming to beg at his feet, and Tommy wanted to be ready. He moved across his ante chamber with the languid grace for which his species was known, and turned on the tap in his shower, starting a cascade of crystal blue water spilling into his king size brass bathtub with emerald inlays. He had all the time in the world.
Lillie: Or so Tommy thought. Duncan had been tinkering with some broken computer parts and liquid oxygen he had found in the dumpster behind the NASA building in Texas, and, quite by accident, had built the most efficient, fastest, and safest intergalactic travel unit in the universe. After making a quick stop at the Texaco station to gas it up, he sped away to planet XC3W1100. He landed and executed a perfect parallel parking job right in front of Tommy’s lawn, and walked nervously up to Tommy’s door. His hand went down his collar and pulled out the access card to Tommy’s complex that he had been wearing on an aluminum chain for over two hundred years. He slid the card into the slot, and the doors slid open with a dramatic gust of liquid nitrogen. All of the memories of that month in 1769, when they lived together in Tommy’s beautiful complex, came rushing back to Duncan with the speed and intensity of a burst waterbed. He heard water running and Tommy’s velvet voice singing out sultry showtunes in his lovely shower. Tommy’s shower always had fabulous acoustics. Duncan decided to join him. He strolled down the hall into the bathroom and stripped down to the bare essentials. Tommy was oblivious ... until now.
Hannah: Duncan slipped silently into the shower behind Tommy, watching his beautifully slender back, slippery with soap and sweat, moving under the cataract of azure blue water.
"Hello, Tommy," cooed Duncan in his deepest, sexiest voice, the one that used to inflame Tommy to the edge of madness. Tommy whirled to face Duncan, whose rippling pectoral muscles were already gleaming with steam and desire. Tommy took in the sight of him, naked, resplendently masculine, and turned away quickly to hide his plainly evident arousal. He had not expected it to be like this; he had not expected to lose control of the situation so rapidly.
Duncan smiled, picking up some of what Tommy was thinking. He reached for the soap, rubbing it between his hands to create a lavender scented froth, and smoothed his hands caressingly over Tommy’s naked back. Tommy shivered with ecstasy, as Duncan worked the fragrant soap all over his body with his strong, sensitive hands. He turned towards Duncan, breathing heavily. Duncan’s eyes were drawn to Tommy’s manhood, which reared upright, plump with lust. He looked back to Tommy’s beautiful face, and saw the wanting in his eyes. Without missing a beat, Duncan drew Tommy towards him in a passionate embrace. Tommy tilted his face towards Duncan, gazing upwards coyly. Their lips met in a kiss, so fiery that it sent Tommy reeling, craving the satisfaction that he knew only Duncan could give him. As they gazed into each other’s eyes, both Duncan and Tommy knew that the damage had been corrected...their love for one another was whole and perfect once again. Duncan drew in his breath sharply (again), thinking of all the unnamable pleasures that awaited him in the evening to come.