Libzie
Originally Written: July 20, 1998
Posted: November 4, 1998
Piles of junk.
Unpacking is another experience I relish.
Nothing can feel as chaotic as the disorganized lumps and piles about the house.
The move has moved itself from the house and the packing up….
Over to the apartment and the packing out:
in the box…out of the box….
and some just stays in the box because there's no room
Thank you to the government of the United States of America,
without whom none of this would be possible.
Taxes do go towards good things, too.
Thank you to the family I didn't realize I had,
without whom none of this would be possible.
I am still alive
(miraculously)….
I sit here and breathe and sit here some more, still breathing,..
not quite thinking at all before I write these words…
and the spontaneity is what I love about my life…
the freedom to choose is what I love about my life…
the feeling that I am strong and that I am accomplishing something.
I feel like I live on borrowed time,
like I have cheated death from the grip it should have had on me,
like I am almost hiding from it, in a way,
the same way I am hiding from old evils
I am proud of who I am.
I am proud of who I have grown to be…
and this is the good stuff in me:
the confidence and the hope and the dreams that weave through my mind.
I am guilty, but not ashamed…
or is it ashamed but not guilty?
Off to find a lexicon and back in a few….
And so it turns out that I am both guilty and ashamed
of my crimes in the past…
not crimes as punishable by law,
although they probably would feel that I was a bad character years ago…
but crimes against myself.
I completely disguised and ignored myself .
I thought by doing so I would find my way through life,
out of the feelings of being so lost,
and miraculously arrive at the end of the rainbow….
happy and free and so good to be me.
well…maybe in a way it worked
but not through the disguise.
it was through the resurfacing of myself
the rebirth of myself
that I have arrived on this shore
Questions or Comments? E-mail: puck269@oocities.com
Last Updated: January 18, 1999