Puck
Originally Written: October 15, 1996
Posted: October 9, 1997

How to Train Your Younger Brother

Ever have the craving for a nice cold soda, but you're too tired to get up? Wish you had someone to grab a nice cold one for you? You're in luck; you have a little brother. If you train him well, you will no longer have the need to get up for anything ever again. Now, how do you make him bring that soda to you? There are a few ways you can make him do this. You can always physically attack him with a baseball bat, a fist or even a nice cattle prod, but the most effective way, if used correctly, doesn't include even a tap on the shoulder.

The non-violent way of persuading, mental stress, may be difficult for some because in order for it to work properly you have to be smarter and wiser than your poor sibling. Forcing stress upon the little brat shouldn't be hard, for you are older and more experienced than your future slave. Mental stress is used mainly when your brother decides he is a big man and doesn't feel like doing the task that you have for him. How do you make sure your younger sibling will cook and serve you breakfast in bed? The word annoyance comes to mind. Know how to push his buttons. Find the thing that irritates him the most, and do it. He will become so sick of you that he will cave in and bring you the soda just to shut you up. Eventually, just your presence will make him do the requested task.

What happens if the brat still won't do what you want him to do? You still have a couple other tricks up your sleeves; however, the easiest one for most people to do at this point of disoedience is violence. You could set him on fire. The fire would make a good smores and midnight camping stories, but setting your little brother on fire would not be wise if you want a tasty breakfast. A hard punch or slap reminding your slave who is master might just work...

"Mommy!"

What was that? Your parents' precious angel is now crying to them that you just hit him. This shouldn't be a problem if you work swiftly and wisely before he explains his own side of the story. The best option you have in your arsenal is to turn the situation around and maybe get the whiner in trouble. A way to do this is to scream out something like, "don't even cry to mom; you started it." Of course screaming something back will only work a couple times, but making him think that he will get in trouble could be enough to stop your little brother from saying anything else. The other way to stop him crying to mom is to have some dirt on him, so you have a little blackmail material.

How, you might ask, would one dig up dirt on a little brother that you're always mean to? Here is the simple solution: become his friend. The most deadly enemy that someone may have its their friend. In order to befriend your slave you have to be able to be flexible. The way to go about it is by letting him hang out with you or maybe even bail him out of trouble a time or two.

What you do and how you go about training your brother is your decision. Keep in mind your life is short, so why not make the most of it? The earlier that you start training your brother, the easier it is to convince him to do what you want him to do. Also, making a friend of your slave makes things easier and less stressful for you. When you decide that you want a cold soda and don't feel like getting up; think of your little brother just sitting there playing with his blocks and how easier life would be with your own personal servant.