Cowboy Humor
Two cowboys came riding around a bend in the trail and saw an indian on the ground. His head was tilted with his ear on the ground. When he saw the cowboys he said, "Three men, large wagon, four horses". One of the cowboys asked in amazement, "You can tell all that just by listening to the ground"? "No", said the indian, "They ran over me....".
A cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, tellimg him they just got married that morning. "Congratulations!" says the clerk. Looking at the cowboy, he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" "Naw, thanks." says the cowboy. "I'll just hold her by the ears till she gets the hang of it."
I saw this on the wall of the bathroom at Poor David's Pub in Dallas, Texas: q: what is the similarity between cowboy hats and hemorrhoids ? a: eventually, every asshole gets one!
A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper.
Of course he was soon arrested for rustling...
A duck walks into a pet food store and asks, "Got any duck food?" The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it." The duck says, "Okay" and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck food?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves. Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, "Got any duck food?" The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?" "No." "Got any duck food?"
Two cowboys were riding across the range when one of their horses died, so they both got on the one remaining horse and continued riding. In a few minutes, the one on the rear shouted that an Indian was approaching. The one in the front asked, "How big is he?" Holding his hands about 12 inches apart the one on the rear said, "This high." In a few minutes, the one on the front asked, "Now, how big is he?" The cowboy on the rear replied, holding his hands 3 feet apart, "This high." In a few more minutes, the front cowboy asked again, "Now, how big is he?" Holding his hand 6 feet above the ground, the rear cowboy replied, "This high." So the front cowboy yelled, "Quick! Grab my pistol there and shoot him!" Holding his hands 12 inches apart again, the one on the rear replied, "I can't! I've known him since he was this high."
There was this cowboy and he had been riding his horse across the great plains on his way to California nonstop. Both him and his horse had gone days without sleep. As he rode in to one of the few towns on his trip he decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of wiskey to satisfy his thirst. As he got off his horse he realized that since his horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stoped and it might take a few hours to wake his horse up. He grab this young indian who just happen to be walking by told him of his predicament, he then asked the indian if he could run back and forth in front of his horse to keep it wake while he was tending his thirst in the bar. The indian agreed. After a few drinks the cowboy forgot about the trip as he made friends and drank down round after round in the bar. AS the hours past a cowboy entered the front door of the sallon and asked who owned the brown and white horse out front. The cowboy who owned the horse said "I do so what about it?" Well replied the cowboy you left your INGIN' RUNNING......
Old west... A bar... All of a sudden, the door opens with a kick, and a cowboy in black enters... Black hat, black foulard, black shirt, black trousers, black boots, black gloves, black belt, and a black pair of guns...
Everyone looks at him with fearful eyes. He approaches the barman, and asks:
"Do you have a bucket?"
Barman runs inside, finds a wooden bucket, comes back. The cowboy in black looks to the bucket, and orders:
"Now, bring me three bottles of whiskey."
Seconds later:
"Pour them into the bucket."
And, then:
"And now, bring this to my horse outside."
The frightened and surprised barman does what the cowboy in black tells.
He finds a horse, black as night, tied in front of the bar, completely in black harness. It drinks all the whiskey at once.
Then the barman returns back inside the bar. The cowboy very carefully looks into the bucket, sees that nothing is left, and asks:
"What do I owe for this?"
Barman, while calculating the price, asks:
"Won't you drink anything?"
The cowboy in black replies:
"No. I don't drink and drive."
