i don't want to live

i am stripped of my clothes
	standing on the edge of the earth
	staring down
	naked in my sickly yellow skin
			yellow because i've lost my loving embraces

i covered my wrinkly nipples in my hands
pulled my legs together
hoping i could at least
save a nerve of warmth in my shivering body

all the love i used to have
seeped from my veins
my blood no longer runs red
it's gray
with black specks of hate floating through

i don't want to live

i am stripped of my clothes
	jumped off the edge of the earth
	closed my eyes
	naked in my sickly yellow skin
			yellow because i've lost the life in me

		free fall.
		i saw scenes from my life
		from beneath my eyelids
		like an old colourless film
			clicking like antique
			flickering like flame
		
	                	i saw my birth
				i saw my sadness
				i saw my love
		
	                	i saw you
		
                then all of a sudden my eyes popped open
		the sight of you made me shiver with fear
			colder than any coldness i have ever felt

        what happened?
                don't you represent love?

all my life you represent something i hate
i was just too scared to admit
that the one who loves me most
kills me slowly
by digging a blood-stained dagger into my heart
slowly ever so slowly
	you've won
	you've reached through my heart
	i'm bleeding to death
	gagging for air

i don't want to live

i am stripped of my clothes
	killed from the edge of the earth
	splattered at the bottom with limbs disjointed
	naked in my sickly yellow skin
			yellow because i've lost my soul

© copyright, 1998