Once again a load of things have managed to become Officially Unpleasant, without becoming overwhelmingly so. Those things, like their kind, are banished to TIGU. And here they are.

• Westlife - No no no no. Why can't people see that they're just a simple clone of Boyzone? Irish lads, identical suits, always singing about love? It's obvious to me, although seemingly me alone.
• ViaVoice - You don't understand my voice at all, do you?
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer - For having really good bits that make me want to watch, and then throwing in horrifically sentimental and slushy bits between Buffy and Angel. Nobody watches the programme for these, so please use the time for more Vampire Slaying, Mr Scriptwriter.
• Children with mobile 'phones - I can understand parents wanting their kids to be able to 'phone them, but do they not just see that they're being suckered into paying for a massively expensive fasion accessory? Earrings are much cheaper.

  Fig. 1 - "My parents are buying me a mobile 'phone tomorrow. I can't wait to sit in places near lots of people and try out all 239 of the stupid ringing tunes on full volume. It'll be great."

• Whitney Housten, still - They still play that song on the radio. Now, for example. She still makes stupid noises in bits that should be quiet. When will the madness end?
• Gardening TV programmes - I estimate that by the end of the decade everybody in England will have had their garden designed in a weekend by Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh.
• Charlie Dimmock - You complain that people only talk to about your lack of bra, but then use the opportunity to market yourself relentlessly, even releasing a calender.
• Charlie Dimmock's not wearing of a bra - I could understand it if you had a nice body, but you're painful to look at.
• Steps, again - Yes, Simon McLaughlin, what in the name of all that is holy are they all about?
• Quake 3 - *sob* You could have been so much better. But you wasted your development time with complacent laughter at your opposition, and petty self-indulgence.

  Fig. 2 - "Har har harrr, I am superior to you all... Oh, sorry everybody, my mistake - I read Unreal Tournament's line from the Autocue. Can we take that again from the top? Okay: Boo hoo hoo..."

• "The new < some other thing, which was quite good >" - What a crap phrase. Invented by lazy journalists, for lazy journalists. Anybody who uses it should be lined up against a wall and shot.
• Java - You are clumsy. Or maybe that's just the way I program in you. Either way, I register my dislike.
• People - Most of you annoy me, and without you I'd be able to enjoy a much nicer, cleaner world. You bastards.
• Steps - Just once more. Apparently the blokes in Steps get paid more. The women aren't too happy about it.

Ah, another successful identity parade of annoying, unpleasant, and mindlessly stupid things. I'm doing a favour to society really, you know?

		Maintained by Tony Gowland Last updated: 6/1/00