Someone, somewhere, is having a laugh. They must be, otherwise the Vengaboys would have never been allowed to release any music (although it's an arguable point that they have), and Mr and Mrs Venga would have been neutered at birth.

At this point I must admit to only ever hearing two of the Vengaboys' "songs". And they're both terrible. From this I can extrapolate that the rest of their album (including such great titles as "We're Going to Ibiza", and "Boom, Boom" [obviously inspired by the lyrically masterful Outhere Brothers]) is also terrible. They lead me to an horrific conclusion - that there's a piece of computer software out there somewhere that you feed a riff into, and that then spews out a whole 70+ minutes of album, consisting of songs which sound largely the same.

This miraculous piece of software engineering will almost certainly also contain a large dictionary, so that the releasers of the songs will also be relieved of the arduous and skillful task of creating the lyrics to go with these songs. After all, who wants to have to think up different lyrics to 12 identical-sounding tunes? Version 2 of the software is undoubtedly also going to contain the ability to create CD and cassette inlays too - just scan in some pictures of the "artists" and it'll create song titles by itself, from its own lyrics.

But on a more important note - why are there two girls in the Vengaboys? Are they really girls, or Bankok lady-boys? If they actually are real women don't they mind being grossly mis-represented? Imagine them going home on the night of signing their record deal... "Hi Mum, guess what - I'm in a band called the Vengaboys!" Maybe they should have put that gay lad in the Spice Girls like I suggested, it seems he wouldn't have been so out of place after all (or is that Sporty "I'm always single" Spice's secret..?).

If you're wondering why there are no pictures of the Vengaboys on this site - it's because I really couldn't be arsed to go and find any. I always find my pictures of famous people from fan-sites, but I don't think I could handle the thought that humanity had sunk so low that some dregs would create such a shrine to this bunch of freaks.

Fig. 1 - The All Saints are better than the Vengaboys. A claim shared by in-growing toenails, pie made from human faecal matter, being shot through the face, and the sinking of the Titanic. Well, until James Cameron got his hands on it, but that's a totally different rant....

So, to summarise - Take your Vengabus and ram it up your pipe.

Stop press - I've just found out that they like their name pronounced "Bengaboys". Well why spell it with a "V" then? Fools.

		Maintained by Tony Gowland Last updated: 5/4/9