(and why it's so awful)
First off - the image. Country music has this weird effect on the people that sing it in that it turns them from normal(ish) humans into tall, lanky, cowboy-hat wearing, funny accented, guitar playing, dull people. Quite often with unusual, or downright strange, names.[Fig. 1]
This cruel transformation results in the people who are affected by it becoming amazingly bitter and twisted towards the rest of human society, and gives them a vicious motive for revenge. How do they extract this revenge? Seriously, you don't know? Have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of one of these people's songs? Here you go, feast your eyeballs on what follows.
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Fig. 1 - He used to be an average guy. Then he became a Country singer and developed homicidal tendancies. Coincidence? I think not. |
Health Warning: If you start to feel even slightly ill while reading these lyrics you should stop immediately, and consult a doctor. Thank you.
Since I met you, darlin; I've given all I had.
But it seems that its just not enough and it only leaves me sad.
I gave to you until I found that I had no more use.
And all that I am getting back is just one more excuse.
CHORUS
The only thing I'm giving, now is up
Because all I'm ever getting is ignored
Of course, I'm also getting the cold shoulder
Someone tell me is that what my heart's really for?
The only thing I'll give away's my heart
For it seems that I don't need it any more
The only thing I'm giving, now, is up
Because all I'm ever getting is ignored.
I don't think that I asked for much just spending time with you.
Didn't matter when or where or what you wanted to do.
I watched you flirt with all the boys and hid my hurt inside
And all I've ever gotten back is stories, tales and lies.
CHORUS
© 1994 - Jesse Verellen
See what I mean? Nothing but depressing cack complaining about how badly the world has treated them. Of course, there're worse examples of this hideous form of toture, but I for one couldn't bring myself to read them, let alone put them here. I think I did you all a favour.
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Fig. 2 - After continued exposure to Country Music the test subject develops uncontrolable convulsions, resulting in vomiting and eventually death. |
In a desperate attempt to increase public well-being one American state recently banned the use of any kind of country music. After several vice squad raids on "unco-operative" drinking establishments (which netted a total of five hundred records) the average citizen on the streets was said to be "alot happier now, thanks."
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Fig. 3 - Records seized by police.
Shows lyrics that were complaining about life. Shows lyrics that were complaining about wife. |
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Maintained by Tony Gowland
Last updated: 16/6/98 |
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